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Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch

The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

GOD APPOLOGIZES TO LIMBAUGH FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS
By R J Shulman
HEAVEN (PTSD News) – The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that God has apologized to Rush Limbaugh for comments He made when He called the talk show host “a truth challenged drugged out blowhard.” “What I meant” said God, “was that Mr. Limbaugh possesses a different set of truths that requires him to use large amounts of oxycontin to be able to get his message across to his many listeners.”

Apparently, God made his comments after learning that the latest Arbitron ratings show Limbaugh has more listeners in his time slot than all of the religious stations combined. “Now I know what that pinko John Lennon meant when he said the Beatles were more popular than God,” Limbaugh said, puffing on one of his trademark cigars, “but you won’t catch me singing any commie anthems like All You Need is Love.”

God also seems to be back tracking from an earlier statement in which He said He was “going to take back that talent I loaned to Limbaugh and if that portly pundit thinks he’s so hot, just wait to see how hot he’ll get in that place I’ll send him for eternity.” But, when asked about that comment, God said, “maybe Allah said that. He and I get confused allot, you know.”

However, even if Limbaugh is slated for that trip on the hellbound train, he may not get a favorable reception there. “That fat bastard is not welcome here,” said Jerry Fallwell, Lucifer’s recently hired chief assistant of new resident acceptance.

Limbaugh can currently be heard on hundreds of the most powerful stations in America and around the world on short-wave and the internet.
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Thursday, March 26, 2009

THOMPSON JOINS OTHER REPUBLICANS WHO CRY “FAIL TO THE CHIEF”
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Actor Fred Thompson, whose bid for the 2008 GOP presidential nomination fizzled at take off has joined the chorus of Republicans who are openly cheering for Obama to fail. “Nothing personal against the magic Negro,” Thompson said, “ but Obama’s policies must fail because he thought of them and we didn’t.”

“The reason it imperative that Obama’s ideas fail,” said Governor Bobby Jindal, “is because his success would show that our ideology of trickle-down tax breaks to the wealthy, drill baby drill, and bomb, baby, bomb doesn’t work. It is more important that our ideology to survive than it is for America to survive.”

“The most frightening nine words in the English language,” said talk show host Michael Reagan, “is ‘Hello, I’m Barack Obama and my policies are working.’” “I have asked God to smite the Muslim infused communistic plans of that Beelzebub in the White House,” said televangelist Pat Robertson, “so when God asked me if causing Obama’s failure was more important than granting peace and prosperity for all Americans, I said yes, especially if gays would get some of that peace and prosperity.”

“We need to have an American Jihad to undermine Obama at every turn,” said Rush Limbaugh, “because if his policies succeed, then everyone will realize just what a drug addled gas bag I am, whose enormous ego is only surpassed by the size of his anal cyst.”

“The only thing we have to fear,” said Newt Gingrich, “is that Obama gets America back on track.” “Have you noticed that Obama is left-handed?” said Bill O’Reilly. “Every right thinking American knows that we can’t afford to have a lefty succeed in the White House.” “What it all comes down to,” said Ann Coulter, “is that we will get Obama and his little dog, too.”

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

CONSERVATIVE UNIVERSITY TO OFFER DEGREE IN FAKE OUTRAGE
By R J Shulman
FLORENCE, Alabama (PTSD News) For the first time, a four year university will offer a degree in false anger. Southern University of Conservative Knowledge will graduate twenty-five students with a Master of Fake Outrage or MOFO degree. “We expect a sharp increase in enrollment,” said Southern University dean Cliff Jones, “so we should soon see a whole bunch of MOFOs running around.”

“With conservatives firmly out of power,” said Jones, “we need to perfect false rage to whip up our demoralized base.”

The use of outrage to mobilize political support is a true American tradition,” said Clemson Tidwell, an SU professor of Outrageology and former Enron executive, “proper use of false outrage can be very tricky as in supporting deregulation for years which leads to fat cat abuse and fraud which leads to the bailout of the fat cat companies and then having to come up with believable anger at these same fat cats for taking bonuses.”

“Outrage depends so much on timing,” said Newt Gingrich, “For example, now that the Democrats have overrun Congress, its time to be outraged at Congressional power and support term limits again.”

“While outrage calls for people to show shock at the unconscionable behavior of others, those that practice fake outrage or outragers as they are called can themselves act as outrageous as possible,” said Tidwell. “For example, conservatives showed fake outrage over those that wanted to pull the plug on Terri Schiavo, thus making political hay on the private misfortune of a poor family.”

“A true outrager doesn’t concern themselves with hypocrisy,” Jones said. “It doesn’t matter if you just exploited an undocumented worker to clean your house if you show the proper outrage over illegal aliens invading America.”

The keynote speaker at the SU graduation will be Rush Limbaugh. “At first Rush said no,” Jones said, “until we convinced him we knew the difference between the false outrage of drug usage on American campuses versus the real outrage of Rush getting popped for popping too much oxycontin.”


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Monday, March 23, 2009

FOX NEWS POLL: OBAMA’S POPULARITY IS NOW AT 0%
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK (PTSD News) – Fox News reported today that their latest poll shows that Obama’s popularity rating had dropped from 42% to 0 and is now at the lowest level for any president. “We couldn’t find a single American who approves of Obama,” said Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes, “in fact the only supporters we could find anywhere were Osama Bin Laden and a few die hard communists.”

“Obama is trying to do too much of not enough,” said Isaac Whalen of Chillicothe, Ohio, “or is it not enough of too much.” The Fox study showed that 78% of American voters already think Obama is the worst president ever. “This Muslim president we have is so bad,” said Luke Copley of Columbia, South Carolina, “that it makes me miss the warmth of Dick Cheney.” “I sure miss having a president you could sit and have a beer with like W, only you couldn’t do it in pubic ‘cause the liberal press would point out that Bush was a drunkard,” said Harley Coons of Joplin, Missouri. “But now who wants to go to a bar with this Obama guy and share some arugula? Count me out.”

“It’s as if the silver tongued devil himself has entered the White House,” said Clint Schramm, author of the new book, Obaminable Snowman: How the President’s Lies will Ruin Your Life.”

Fox’s survey found that most Americans feel that they no longer have a President who cares about them. “I am now out in the cold when it comes to having a president,” said Hines Lovell of Williamsport, Pennsylvania, “now would someone please tell me what we bitter people who cling to our bibles and guns are gonna do now?”

Fox’s report also shows that 93% hold Obama responsible for the country’s woes. “Ever since that guy who hates American got into office, the stock market as gone down and we are fighting wars we don’t need,” said Darlene Cook of Terre Haute, Indiana.

Fox’s survey has a margin of error of 100 points.

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

GEORGE W. BUSH LANDS JOB AS RODEO CLOWN
By R J Shulman
CODY, Wyoming – (PTSD News) – Former President George W. Bush has a new job these days, as a rodeo clown. “He’s a natural,” said famous rodeo clown Flint Rasmussen, “he falls off of things like bikes and horses and he knows more about bull than just about anyone. Besides he has that infection laugh, ‘he-heh’ this and ‘he-heh’ that.”

The former president, who travels the rodeo circuit in a Chevy van he calls “Air Farce One” is pleased with his new vocation. “I never thought I would speechicate this out loud in public, but I am enjoying making kids laugh much morely than I did when I was dropping bombs on them.”

A rodeo clown’s main purpose is to protect the cowboy rider by distracting the bull all the while entertaining the crowd with silly pantomimes and parodies of the cowboy life. The job of rodeo clown, which is one of the most dangerous in show business, was suggested to Bush by former Vice President Cheney. When it was pointed out to Cheney in a recent CCN interview that Cheney had sent the former president into harms way without telling him it was a perilous position, Cheney, said “so?”


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Saturday, March 21, 2009

YANKEES ASK CONGRESS TO TAX A-ROD’S BONUS
by R J Shulman
NEW YORK (PTSD News) – Taking a cue from the recent tax imposed by Congress on AIG executive bonuses, the New York Yankees are asking Washington to impose a 90% tax on the bonus the Yankees paid Alex Rodriguez. “It’s not fair to America’s pastime to reward such a large bonus when his numbers just haven’t come up to expectations,” said Yankee general manager Brian Cashman.

New York Senator Chuck Schumer, an early supporter of the A-Rod tax told Congress that “it must come to the aid of the New York Yankees because they are too big to fail.” “I was shocked to learn how big his bonus was,” said President Obama,” especially when there are so many deserving underpaid minor leaguers.”

“All this talk about A-Rod’s bonus is just a distraction from the real issue,” said Senator Barbara Boxer, “which is that AIG has just spent $1.1 billon of their bailout money to have the Yankees’ new ballpark called AIG Stadium.”

The Alex Rodriguez bonus tax will be debated by the Senate on Monday and is expected to pass despite the growing oppositions by crowd’s gathering in Washington waving signs that say, “Yankees Go Home.”
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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

THIRTEEN MOST LIKEY PLACES WHERE MADOFF MONEY WENT
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK (PTSD News) It was no surprise last week when Bernie Madoff pled guilty to being responsible for operating the largest Ponzi scheme in history in which he lost over $50 billion dollars of client’s investments. A Ponzi scheme, named after the great swindler Charles Ponzi, is a fraudulent investment scheme where early investors are paid returns from the later investors, who never receive anything. The question on the minds of his victims as well as anyone else who has followed the story is what could have happened the massive amounts of funds Madoff collected from investors.

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has sent its crack team of reporters to investigate Madoff’s financial practices and have come up with the following as the most likely places where Madoff lost the $50 billion:

1. In a numbered Swiss bank account, but Madoff misplaced the account number
2. In the place where the missing sock goes
3. It fell out of a hole in his pocket
4. He left it on a cross-town bus
5. He spent in on a rare Superman comic book
6. He lent it to Rush Limbaugh to buy drugs
7. He bought the Cayman Islands
8. He actually did invest it in the stock market
9. Bought oceanfront property in Nebraska
10. His wife spend it all at a Neiman Marcus shoe sale
11. Lost it to a guy running a three-card monte game on West 57th and Broadway
12. Spent it on excessive visits to hottradersluts.com
13. Charles Ponzi came back from the grave and took it all as royalties.
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900 POUND ILLITERATE STUDENT GRANTED PHD BECAUSE HE WAS “TOO BIG TO FAIL”
by R J Shulman
MADISON, Wisconsin (PTSD News) - The University of Wisconsin has stirred up controversy with its award of a PhD in Literature to Rod Gurver, a 25 year old who reads and writes at a first grade level. “If AIG and General Motors were too big to fail and had to be bailed out by the taxpayer,” said Dean Harold Markham, “then a nine hundred pound student is certainly too big fail.” “It doesn’t matter that Mr. Gurver is just plain lazy and has never bothered to learn to read and write,” Markham said, “but failure of such a large part of the University of Wisconsin student body would wreak havoc on our campus.”

Granting a coveted degree to Gurver is part of a new trend of preventing the failure of things that are very big. “It follows that after the success of rescuing the large financial institutions and huge corporations,” said Wayne C. Struthers author of Guaranteed Success - How to Become Too Big To Fail, “that anything that is perceived as very big will be given special consideration.” The “saving big thing” trend seems to be branching out into different parts of society as Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig just declared the New York Yankees winners of the 2009 World Series. “The Yanks are the new champs because with their massive player payroll, they would be just too big to fail,” Selig said.

However, not everyone believes in the too big to fail theory. “I don’t care if he is the leader of the free world,” said Rush Limbaugh, “I want Obama to fail.” “If bigness is a guarantee of being saved,” said Devon Washburn as spokesman for President Obama, “than unfortunately, Mr. Limbaugh has nothing to fear as there is nothing bigger than his ego.”
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Monday, March 16, 2009

TOP TEN REASONS AIG MUST GIVE OUT EXECUTIVE BONUSES

by R J Shulman


NEW YORK (PTSD News) Teetering insurance giant AIG has defended its plan to pay over $170 million in executive bonuses saying they are contractually obligated to do so. AIG’s announcement that they are going ahead with executive bonuses has caused great public outrage as AIG has been bailed out with billons of dollars of tax payers’ money.

The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a copy of AIG executive employment contracts. Each of the contracts guarantees a top executive a bonus if they meet at least two of the following criteria:

1. Believe they should get a bonus
2. Their heart rate exceeds twenty beats per minute
3. They gambled only some of their client’s funds on the NCAA tournament
4. They did not personally lose more money that the total GNP of the known universe
5. They believe welfare mothers are free loaders who should be cut off from the pubic trough.
6. They sold more than half of their immortal soul
7. They laughed along with the Enron traders who chuckled over the thought of grandmothers having to pay more for their electric bills
8. They put their pants on one leg at a time
9. They are more mammalian than reptilian (no executive qualified for this one)
10. Can make a deposit into their bank account.

“I am outraged that AIG has such bogus bonus clauses in their employment contracts. Their lawyers should all be fired,” said President Obama. However, AIG’s lawyers apparently cannot be fired according to their own contracts, and in addition are slated to receive the biggest bonuses of all. “These bonuses were clearly earned,” said Rush Limbaugh, “all of this liberal crying is just another example of Obama’s terrorist war on the rich and deserving.”
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Saturday, March 14, 2009

GOP: US MUST ATTACK EUROPE TO STOP SPREAD OF SOCIALIZED MEDICINE
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON (PTSD News) – Citing it as the greatest scare since the cold war, GOP lawmakers and conservative pundits have urged President Obama to launch a full scale attack on Europe to stop the proliferation of socialized medicine. “Under the Bush Pre-emptive Strike Doctrine, Obama has the right and the duty to attack and invade Europe before yet another innocent country falls to socialized medicine,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

“We should start by bombing Denmark,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, “We need to stop their terrorist exporting of socialized medicine and we must stop the proliferation of those Danish breakfast pastries that threaten American cardio-vascular systems.” “There is a threat even closer to home, said Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas, “and that is Canada who have been breathing the icy chill of socialized medicine across our common border. Just like the Cuban missile crisis, it is time to point our nukes at a neighbor, but this time in a northerly direction.”

“The agenda of these Fascio-Marxists is to infiltrate and destroy the American health care system, said former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist who has made millions from his ownership interest in Hospital Corporation of America, “They hate us for our freedom - the freedom of our insurance companies and HMOs to charge whatever they want to in a free market system.”

“It may already be too late, my friends,” said talk show host Michael Savage, “the enemy within has already infiltrated Congress and even worse, President Barack Marx Lenin Stalin Hussein Obama is one of them.” Most conservatives have joined in the push to get the President to commit to some military action, but Rush Limbaugh shocked his fellow conservatives when he said he might come out in support of an American form of socialized medicine if it meant that under this new health care system he could obtain oxycontin easier.

FOR THE IMPORTANT NEWS PTSD RECOMMENDS THAT YOU VISIT CITIZENS FOR LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT AT http://www.legitgov.org/

Thursday, March 12, 2009

DAVID VITTER DEFENDS SCUFFLE WITH AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: I THOUGHT SHE WAS A HOOKER
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) Senator David Vitter lashed out at those who criticized his apparent outburst at Dulles Airport when he was told that he was too late to board his scheduled flight. “He just went ballistic when I told him no,” said Mary Jane Humboldt, an airport employee, “He started screaming and yelling and told me he was a senator and a big, big man and that I couldn’t say no to him.”

“I thought she was a call girl,” Vitter explained, “and it is my experience that you have to talk to those kind of women that way.” Vitter was referring to the fact that his name was found prominently in the little black book of DC Madame Deborah Jean Palfrey. Vitter recently received a standing ovation from his fellow Republican senators regarding his infamous connection to Palfrey’s call girl ring. “We couldn’t help ourselves but to cheer David,” said Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina, “as he is the first Republican involved in a sex scandal in a long while who got involved with a woman. We were celebrating his non-gayness.” “I am not gay,” said Larry Craig in a press release, tryig in vain to tap into the Vitter story.

“This is all Obama’s fault,” said Rush Limbaugh, “I told you that if that man got in the White House that the airports would soon be bursting at the seams with pimps ad hos.” GOP chairman Michael Steele who at first criticized Limbaugh’s comments as insensitive and ugly, later back tracked, thanking Limbaugh for using terms that show that the new Republican party is now a more hip-hop urban organization.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

GOP: OBAMA’S STIMULUS MUST INCLUDE PRIVATIZATION OF SOCIAL SECURITY
By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON (PTSD News) GOP leaders have called on President Obama to include privatization of Social Security in his stimulus package or they will do everything in their power to derail his efforts to restart the economy. “I may not speak as good as you can,” said GOP spokesman Bobby Jindal, “but, Mr. Commander-Hussein-in-Chief, it is imperative that we remove social security from the incompetence of government and place it securely under the control of the solid business practices of the private sector.”

“Privatizing social security kills three birds with one stone,” said Mitt Romney, who is eyeing a 2012 run for the presidency, “It puts money in the hands of the free market so that Wall Street CEO’s don’t miss out on promised bonuses, it shrinks government as the social security administration can be eliminated and it stops the creeping socialism that threatens the American way of life.” “Taking the yoke of government off of the people’s money is the best way to stimulate the economy,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “which is far superior to the communistic wasteful Obama idea to build bridges, schools and hospitals. Bush’s success in Iraq has shown us that those jobs should be left to KBR and Halliburton on no-bid contracts.”

“I know I’m not deciding much these days except stuff like which pair of socks I have still has two socks to it,” said former President George W. Bush, “but if I was still the decider, I would decidicate to make the social securities private and put them in the hands of the experience that has shown successfulness in making money and that guy would be Bernie Madoff as in you’re doin’ a heck of a job, Bernie.”

“Whatever happens, Obama’s plans must fail, fail, fail,” said Rush Limbaugh, “because if his plans succeed, it will prove everything I have ever said as being dead wrong and if that happens, there is no amount of oxycontin in the world that will be able to ease my pain.”


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Monday, March 09, 2009

GINGRICH UNVEILS NEW CONTRACT WITH AMERICA CALLED “THIS TIME WE MEAN IT”
By R J Shulman
ATLANTA – (PTSD News) – Newt Gingrich announced today that he will be running for president in 2012 and has drafted a new Contract with America as his platform. The contract called, “This Time We Mean It,” promises to eliminate all taxes for the rich and all social entitlements in the budget.

“Now that the tax and spend liberal communist name-calling Muslim lovers are in power,” Gingrich told a crowd of about a dozen at a downtown Atlanta rally, “frankly, it makes sense to talk about term limits again. Our brand new Contract with America is right in step with the public’s long standing disgust with the Obama deficits and wars that make no sense. Come 2012,” Gingrich continued, “I and my wife or maybe a new wife will be role models to Americans of how the GOP is loyal and sticks to family values.”

Other pledges in the new Contract with America include plans to re-open the prison at Guantanamo which Obama “hastily closed before all of the enhanced interrogation could take effect,” and a reinstatement of the ban on embryo stem cell research, a ban on the use of condoms and making it illegal for women to say no to sex as “all of these things stop potential life.”

James Carville predicted that America “won’t be fooled again as the new GOP boss is same as the old GOP boss with the same witch’s brew of eye of Newt, toe of Rush and Adams apple of Ann Coulter.”
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Thursday, March 05, 2009

GOP BLAMES MEDIA FOR FAILURE OF "BLAME OBAMA" CAMPAIGN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Four weeks after the Republican party launched a campaign they called “It’s All Obama’s Fault,” GOP leaders have to admit failure. The lastest polls all indicate that only 8% believe President Obama is responsible for the nation’s current woes, while over 83% place the blame squarely on George W. Bush.

“It is absurd that W is getting blamed for succeeding in destroying the economy,” said Mick Finley of the Republican National Committee, “everyone knows that Bush couldn’t succeed at anything.” “It’s all the left wing media’s fault that Americans did not buy the blame Obama message we were trying to get across,” said conservative talk show host Lars Larsen. “We are so hopelessly out numbered by those radical left wing talkers that we don’t stand a chance,” said Laura Ingram, another conservative talk show host. Her comments received resounding agreement from over 2500 conservative talk show hosts across the nation who supported her statements on blameobama.com, a website funded by the RNC.

“We need to bring back the fairness doctrine,” said Sean Hannity, “so us conservatives can get a fair shot on the radio.” There may be some truth to the complaints of conservative radio hosts according to Duncan Lipton of the Heritage Foundation. “Liberals have gained an unmistakable stranglehold on talk radio,” Lipton said, “because this far into Clinton’s first term, conservative talk radio had over 55% of Americans believing that Bill Clinton was a pimp and a drug dealer and 67% thought Hillary was responsible for original sin.”

“Even Rush Limbaugh’s ‘Fail Obama Fail’ rallying cry failed,” said Cliff Hargus of the media watchdog group Airwatch. “The GOP may have to abandon radio and get their message of hope rekindled through the use of grass roots groups like the KKK and American Nazi Party.”
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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

GOP TO BLOCK OBAMA’S FEMA PICK: HE’S OVER-QUALIFIED
By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Republican leaders have expressed outrage that Barack Obama has nominated Craig Fugate as the new head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. “Sure, Fugate coordinated Florida’s response to eleven natural disasters, but has he ever been around Arabian horses?” asked Newt Gingrich. “This man is wholly over-qualified to run FEMA.”

“If a hurricane were to hit New Orleans again with Fugate at the helm it would be catastrophic,” said Trent Lott, “because he could actually save some black people.” “Fugate is the wrong choice with the wrong name,” said former President George W. Bush, “It would sound absotively moronicness to say, you’re doin’ a heck of a job, Fugie.”
“Fugate would probably block the use of formaldehyde riddled trailer homes for disaster victims,” said William T. Sandford, president of the Home Manufacturers Association, “which would leave the home manufacturers stuck with too much inventory.” “Obama picking a guy with actual disaster experience is a disaster for us Republicans,” said Karl Rove, “as it would shoot holes in our mantra that the private sector can always do it better than government. If Fugate does his job well, it would interfere with our plans to privatize disaster relief, you know where only if you have enough money you will be saved.”
“With all this competence in Washington,” lamented on long time resident, “I just don’t recognize this town anymore.”

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

BILL O’REILLY ON OBAMA WHITE HOUSE: THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK (PTSD News) – Citing the recent sharp drop in values of residential property in the nation’s capital, Fox’s Bill O’Reilly placed blame squarely on the residents who just moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. “It’s no coincidence that immediately after the Obamas moved into that exclusive neighborhood the housing prices plummeted,” O’Reilly said discounting claims that the depressed economy has something to do with the nose dive in housing prices.

“The Bushes knew how to keep the place up with dignity and style,” O’Reilly said, “unlike the current owner who says stuff like ‘pass me the MF nukes.’ That’s a loss of 15% in value right there.” “We worked hard for our inheritance that bought us our home near the White House,” said Wilton Gormley III who lives just blocks from the capital with his wife and two children, “and now thanks to this ‘look-whose-coming-to-State-dinner crowd’ moving next door, my property value has tanked.”

O’Reilly’s comments have brought anger from some who claim O’Reilly’s has engaged in unabashed racial discrimination. O’Reilly defended his remarks by saying, “I am not saying the loss in property value is because the O’Bamas are black but rather that they are terrorist Muslims who like to smoke crack, talk in jive and throw wild White House hip-hop parties to all hours of the morning.”

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Monday, March 02, 2009

LIMBAUGH:CONSERVATIVES GOOFED BY NOT NAMING BUSH KING OF AMERICA
By R J Shulman
NEW YORK (PTSD News) – Fresh from his enthusiastically received “First National Address” at the CPAC convention, the soul of the Republican party, Rush Limbaugh told his legions of listeners today that the big mistake the GOP made was that they didn’t secure the throne for George W. Bush. “Not installing Bush as King of America has allowed those commie socialist Obamanistas to steal the presidency from the rightful ruling class that really knows what is best for the masses. These pinko fascist terrorist lovers think government is here to help people, but it is not, my friends, the government is here to secure the rights of those that are right, and that means rich conservatives.”

“Rush couldn’t be righter,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “we stupidly gave the ‘I-am-my-brother’s keeper’ crowed a chance to steal power and reinstitute the totally failed ideas of FDR and to blasphemously overturn the gloriously successful Bush policies before they could have succeeded, that is, completely removed the pesky middle class.”
“I want Obama to fail,” Limbaugh said, “because it means his plans will fail, the plan to take money from those who through hard work and inheritance are the only ones qualified to run this country. So that traitor Obama must go and should be replaced with a real American hero who can make sure America is safe because everyone is in their place, a hero of gigantic stature, a hero, well, a hero like me.”
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