GOP: OBAMA’S STIMULUS MUST INCLUDE PRIVATIZATION OF SOCIAL SECURITY
By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON (PTSD News) GOP leaders have called on President Obama to include privatization of Social Security in his stimulus package or they will do everything in their power to derail his efforts to restart the economy. “I may not speak as good as you can,” said GOP spokesman Bobby Jindal, “but, Mr. Commander-Hussein-in-Chief, it is imperative that we remove social security from the incompetence of government and place it securely under the control of the solid business practices of the private sector.”

“Privatizing social security kills three birds with one stone,” said Mitt Romney, who is eyeing a 2012 run for the presidency, “It puts money in the hands of the free market so that Wall Street CEO’s don’t miss out on promised bonuses, it shrinks government as the social security administration can be eliminated and it stops the creeping socialism that threatens the American way of life.” “Taking the yoke of government off of the people’s money is the best way to stimulate the economy,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “which is far superior to the communistic wasteful Obama idea to build bridges, schools and hospitals. Bush’s success in Iraq has shown us that those jobs should be left to KBR and Halliburton on no-bid contracts.”

“I know I’m not deciding much these days except stuff like which pair of socks I have still has two socks to it,” said former President George W. Bush, “but if I was still the decider, I would decidicate to make the social securities private and put them in the hands of the experience that has shown successfulness in making money and that guy would be Bernie Madoff as in you’re doin’ a heck of a job, Bernie.”

“Whatever happens, Obama’s plans must fail, fail, fail,” said Rush Limbaugh, “because if his plans succeed, it will prove everything I have ever said as being dead wrong and if that happens, there is no amount of oxycontin in the world that will be able to ease my pain.”

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