TRUMP SIGNS EXECUTIVE ORDER RETURNING PUERTO RICO TO SPAIN

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Donald Trump signed an executive order he called “the Puerto Rico Traditional Heritage Repatriation Act,” returning Puerto Rico to Spain and stripping Puerto Ricans of their US Citizenship.  “Who knew there was a part of the United States full of people who don’t speak English?” Trump said, “but one of the wonderful things that came from the hurricane is that now we know there is an island completely surrounded by water that you can’t drive trucks to with boat loads of people who claim to be Americans but don’t look or sound like real ones.”

“I am calling home those US personnel and aid workers from continuing the best storm response in the history of the universe,” Trump said. “because it is not my fault that those people chose to live in the path of a huge storm.”

“Any place where my golf course would go bankrupt does not speak well for those people and speaking of not speaking well, how could Obama allow all those so-called Americans on that island speak Spanish?  Robert Mueller should be investigating that instead of looking at all the fake news about my ties to Russia.  I’d say more, but I owe Vladimir a call and he gets cranky if I’m late.”