CONSERVATIVE UNIVERSITY TO OFFER DEGREE IN FAKE OUTRAGE
By R J Shulman
FLORENCE, Alabama (PTSD News) For the first time, a four year university will offer a degree in false anger. Southern University of Conservative Knowledge will graduate twenty-five students with a Master of Fake Outrage or MOFO degree. “We expect a sharp increase in enrollment,” said Southern University dean Cliff Jones, “so we should soon see a whole bunch of MOFOs running around.”

“With conservatives firmly out of power,” said Jones, “we need to perfect false rage to whip up our demoralized base.”

The use of outrage to mobilize political support is a true American tradition,” said Clemson Tidwell, an SU professor of Outrageology and former Enron executive, “proper use of false outrage can be very tricky as in supporting deregulation for years which leads to fat cat abuse and fraud which leads to the bailout of the fat cat companies and then having to come up with believable anger at these same fat cats for taking bonuses.”

“Outrage depends so much on timing,” said Newt Gingrich, “For example, now that the Democrats have overrun Congress, its time to be outraged at Congressional power and support term limits again.”

“While outrage calls for people to show shock at the unconscionable behavior of others, those that practice fake outrage or outragers as they are called can themselves act as outrageous as possible,” said Tidwell. “For example, conservatives showed fake outrage over those that wanted to pull the plug on Terri Schiavo, thus making political hay on the private misfortune of a poor family.”

“A true outrager doesn’t concern themselves with hypocrisy,” Jones said. “It doesn’t matter if you just exploited an undocumented worker to clean your house if you show the proper outrage over illegal aliens invading America.”

The keynote speaker at the SU graduation will be Rush Limbaugh. “At first Rush said no,” Jones said, “until we convinced him we knew the difference between the false outrage of drug usage on American campuses versus the real outrage of Rush getting popped for popping too much oxycontin.”


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