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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, May 13, 2012


by R J Shulman

NEW YORK – (PTSD News Service) – What is worse than a foreign born Muslim usurper who wants to turn America socialist?  According to Fox News, it’s a gay foreign born Muslim usurper who wants to turn America socialist.  Fox unveiled that it has the full script of President Obama’s speech last week in which he sanctioned same sex marriage, but that the liberal media bleeped out the part where Obama admitted he was gay.

“The biased media has refused to broadcast the truth that Obama is a gay and not only wants to grant special rights to homosexuals so that they can marry, but will make marriage between one man and one woman illegal and punishable by death,” said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News.  “The Evil One has Americans tangled up with his ridiculous claims of a phony Republican war on women, when it is Obama himself that is leading a war on traditional marriage.”

Many who watch Fox agree that Obama is out to destroy marriage. “My repeated infidelity, bad hygiene, pea-brain, and uncontrolled flatulence could not destroy my marriage” said Tater Koonce of Hickory, North Carolina, “but after hearing Obama supports gay marriage, my wife up and quit me.”

Fox news has been running a crawl at the bottom of their news broadcasts that says, “Four more years of Obama will destroy your marriage and your ex-wife will get your guns, NASCAR tickets, and flat screen TV in the divorce settlement.”  “We will leave scare tactics to the Democrat Party and their liberal media and concentrate on telling nothing but the thoroughly researched truth here at Fox News,” Ailes said.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

by R J Shulman

BETHESDA, Maryland  (PTSD News Service)  A comprehensive new study indicates it is not just the press that leans to the left, but mathematics, science and just plain facts that also have a pronounced unfair liberal bias.  “We had our suspicions because numbers were favoring Obama’s performance on jobs added and lost over the numbers posted by President Bush, when Americans know that Bush was pro-business and Obama is a socialist,” said Wayne Mentira, who headed up the study by the Heritage Foundation.   “So we were please with the results that showed that it was President Clinton who left Bush with a huge deficit and Bush who fixed everything and left Obama with a clean healthy surplus which he squandered on wars and failing banks, instead of the other way around as shown by the biased numbers and facts.”  

The study looked at a host of numbers, scientific results and basic facts and found that all three unfairly give preference to progressive and left leaning ideas.  “For example, the report says science  overwhelmingly supports the lame theory that global warming exists when everybody knows that this is a myth perpetrated by lazy scientists looking for tax payer grant money to fund ludicrous studies like what rats prefer to eat on Sundays,” Mentira said.

The fairness of facts was also found to be practically nonexistent.  An example is that facts have given the credit for killing bin Laden to America hating Muslim Obama instead of the patriotic Bush, who was first to say he was going to smoke Osama out and get him dead or alive.  

Finally the truth is out about how unfair and unbalanced math, science and facts are,” said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News, “everybody knows Obama tanked the economy and have brought the country to the brink of communism, yet facts and numbers show his ridiculous stimulus plan saved GM and Chrysler and shown some improvement since he took office.  Now we haver the proof that backs up everything we have been reporting on Fox News all along.”

The report, while touted by the Heritage Foundation as the most comprehensive to date on the topic of facts, will  not release its numbers, scientific methods or facts, until the Heritage Foundation can wipe the liberal bias out of them.  “This is an unfair world in which we live in,” Mentira said. “where for political gain, facts lie.”

Thursday, May 03, 2012


by R J Shulman
TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (PTSD News Service) – In a split decision, the Florida Supreme Court held that the state’s controversial “stand your ground” law can only be used by white Christian males. “This court could come to no conclusion but that white men who have accepted Jesus as their lord and savior are the only group trustworthy enough not to abuse the stand your ground law to cover up otherwise illegal murders,” said Florida Supreme Chief Justice Leo Thorns.

“Can you imagine if we let emotional women use the law, we would have a string of PMS murders, that is Panicked Mental State murders.” Thorns said that a woman might think nothing of blowing away a rival at a shoe sale, “if she thought she was in danger of the other woman grabbing the last pair of size 9 pumps at a 50% off sale.”

The law was reviewed by the Florida Supreme Court after Marissa Alexander tried to use the law to protect herself after she fired a bullet in her ceiling after breaking free from her abusive husband who as choking her. The court said Alexander was “too emotional to properly stand her ground.”

“The last thing we want,” concluded Justice Thorns, “is for armed coloreds, Mexicans and crazy broads running around misusing the Second Amendment as if those rights really pertained to them in the first place.”

Wednesday, May 02, 2012


by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Fox News is reporting that the Drudge Report is reporting that reports have surfaced that late blogger Andrew Breitbart had uncovered a report that President Obama successfully plotted to kill an Osama Bin Laden look-alike, so he could whisk the real 9-11 terrorist into the White House to lead the First Family in Anti-American and Anti-capitalist Muslim prayers. “You will hear Obama apologists try and refute these undeniable facts,” said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News, “but I challenge any one of them to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that bin Laden hasn’t been leading the Obama family in Islamic prayers behind the closed doors of the Oval Office.”

“What is so outrageous about Obama is that on one hand he has politicized the fake death of Obama for political gain,” Ailes said, “while at the very same time has invited American terrorist number one into the inner circles of his administration to mock all that is American by turning the White House into bin Laden’s own personal Mosque.” Ailes said that Fox will relentlessly keep giving the American public the real news, to overcome the extreme liberal bias of the press. “For example,” Ailes said, “Fox is the only news outlet brave and honest enough to report that Obama has jut named May 15th as National Pedophile Day.”

Tuesday, May 01, 2012


by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Republican leaders are demanding a Congressional investigation regarding President Obama’s mention of the killing of Osama bin Laden on the one year anniversary of his death.  “The president’s use of bin Laden’s demise for political purposes is a shocking and shameless abuse of power that calls for impeachment,” said House Majority Leader John Boehner. “Imagine trying to use a trumped up fear of terrorism to try and get votes,” said House Majority Whip Eric Cantor, “you would never catch Republicans stooping to such despicable tactics.”  

Republicans across the board have condemned the President comments, none more than former New York Mayor Rudolf Giuliani who said, “Obama has demonstrated an unforgivable lapse of good judgment by trying to build his political career on the tragedy of the lives lost on September 11, 2001 with false braggadocio about his minor role in the demise of bin Laden.”

Former President George W. Bush said, “where does this Obama guy get off invadicating a sovereign sovereignty to smoke out dead or alive that 9-11 guy I didn’t think about much anymore and put our troops in arms way just to be able to mission accomplish for the electoral college cameras.”  Former Vice President Dick Cheney told Sean Hannity on Fox News that, “Obama’s brazen disregard for international law by illegal flaunting a show of force in murdering bin Laden has done irreparable harm to America’s reputation around the world and could subject an American president to be tried for war crimes.”

Presumed Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney said, “Obama showed a severe lack of leadership by planning a covert mission that could have either been a success or a failure and also a severe lack of leadership for not planning a covert mission fast enough that could have either been a success or a failure.”

Sarah Palin told Fox and Friends’ audience, “Obama wasted taxpayer money killing bin Laden instead of drilling for oil.  No wonder the deficit is way over our heads.”  She also said that, “the Hungarians who give out the Nobel Peace Prize need to consider taking back the bronze statute they gave Obama for targeting bin Laden.   It’s not the Nobel Kill Prize, you know.”

Talk show host Rush Limbaugh said that Obama has brought the dignity of the presidency to an all time low by being the Prostitute in Chief, “as only a slut would kill bin Laden behind closed doors.”

Boehner announced that impeachment proceedings should begin in earnest in the House next Monday.  President Obama ignored the wall of criticism regarding his mention of the death of bin Laden.