SATIRE ALERT*

BETSY DE VOS DISMANTLES DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION, DECLARES THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH LEARNING IN PUBLIC EDUCATION

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) -  US Secretary of Education Betsy De Vos announced that she will make major cuts to public education. “I was shocked to learn that teachers were in favor of teaching facts and even worse, critical thinking to the masses and we just can’t have that,” De Vos told Fox News. “It was my understanding they were teaching the children of those people trades, you know stuff like how to be maids, golf caddies, errand boys, or how to fix my Mercedes Benz.”

“I blame this on the teachers’ unions and the brain washing going on at the hands of subversive left-wing college professors,” said De Vos. “We’re looking at closing down those institutions that have adopted such liberal admission policies as to let just anyone attend.”

De Vos, who has been a champion of vouchers and charter schools, explained that her support of school choice has been misunderstood. “When I advocate school choice, what I mean is that those people should be able to choose whether to go to school at all as they might be better served to go straight to employment at Walmart and McDonald's,” said De Vos. “Just think of all the tax cuts we can give the deserving if we don’t have to waste money trying to fill the heads of the undeserving with socialistic propaganda,” De Vos said.  

*This Post Times Sun Dispatch or PTSD News Report is not real news, fake news or even Fox News, but is presented as a service to assist those trying to keep their sanity in this age of bullies, liars, con-men, thieves, ego maniacs, mean bastards, greedy bastards, hedonistic sexual predators, narcissists, misanthropes, miscreants, sociopaths, psychopaths, racists, misogynists, war mongers, Nazis, fascists, climate change deniers, health care deniers, idiots, cretins, imbeciles, morons, fucking morons, dotards, asshats and just plain bastards, and that’s just the guy in the White House, not to mention Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Ted Cruz and the rest of the wholly oligarch-owned Republicans and the hate talk radio echo chamber of horrors and other colluding anti-democratic, anti-American fools who think that rich white males simply don’t have enough money or privilege.