Find A Lawyer
Find A Lawyer Counter


The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

by R J Shulman

(WASHINGTON) - (PTSD News Service) - Speaker of the House John Boehner announced today that the Republican controlled House will be "too busy" to accomodate the President's request to address a joint session of congress on the issue of jobs next Wednesday.  "Just who does he think he is and does he think we've lost all sense of tradition and heritage?" Boehner said.

"I can't beleive Obama wants to talk about jobs, when we all know the most pressing issue facing this country is how are Americans going to keep out the hoarde of Mexicans who want to come to this country and impose their Sheria law on us." said Sarah Palin at a Tea Party rally.

"Since he doesn't  know his place, we will have to teach it to him," said talk show host Rush Limbaugh.  "I don't care if I am called a racist, in fact I welcome it.  It's the lynchpin of my popularity. And besides, we had a whole lot less trouble from those people when they did in fact know their place."

"I am sick and tired of people calling the Tea Party racists," said Michele Bachmann.  "And the president would know that fact if he didn't spend so mucn time fiddling with the bone in his nose."

GOP front runner Rick Perry said that it is important that Obama fail even if it brings down the whole country, because "what everyone including God wants me to do is to turn that doggone White House white again."

An instant poll conducted by Fox News found that 98% of Americans feel strongly that a Kenyan Muslim who hates America more than any other person on the planet should not be allowed to speak in front of a joint session of congress and that honor should only be afforded to a president who looks like a president.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News Service) - The Republicans have announced they will introduce a bill in the House that will get America back to work again.  "The biggest problem faced by the American economy today," said Speaker of the House John Boehner, "are the job-killing high wages caused by the Obama supported minimum wage.  Not only will our plan end the minimum wage, but it will established a maximum wage that can be earned so that union thugs can no longer force the job creators to pay exhorbitant wages to lazy employees."  Under the plan the maximum wage will start at $2.25 per hour and gradually work its way down to $1.25.  CEOs and upper management are exempted from the maximum wage.

The GOP have projected that their maximum wage plan will add over three million jobs.  "It is partially modeled after what Governor Perry was able to accomplish with his Texas miracle," said Republican spokesman John Potter, "we've just taken it to its logical conclusion."

The "compassionate conservative' plan addresses the high unemployment among African Americans.  "Since those black people have had an unfair advantage for about 40 years with that affirmative action and quota stuff," said Michele Bachmann, "this bill will level the playing field by forcing the Negros to work hard long hours for no wages at all for oh, lets say about 400 years.  And when they are done we will make sure we show our appreciation by giving each family 40 acres and a mule."

The plan calls for more tax cuts for the upper 1% and adds a 30% extra tax surcharge to the unemployed.  "This incentive program will entice the shiftless unemployed to take stock of their life and strive to be billionaires," said House Majority Whip Eric Canter.  "And the 50% tax on being gay will help those who didn't take "pray away the gay" seriously to see the light, you might say its a 'tax away the gay" program.

President Obama said he would be willing to meet with the party across the aisle to discuss their ideas and that nothing was off the table except tax increases for the rich and prosecution of Bush and Cheney as war criminals.

Monday, August 29, 2011

by R J Shulman

SOUTH FLIP FLOP, Massachusetts - (PTSD News Service)  Stung by the quick rise of Texas Governor Rick Perry, presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his new plan to attract younger voters, who have all but ignored him.  "You've go to use their hep language to reach them," Romney told a group of supporters at the Out To Pasture Living Center in Billings, Montana. 

"The youngsters are important not only to vote but they are the future of corporations," he said. "If you word up on what the kids are putting down, then they have a chance to vibe where you're coming from, ya dig?" he said. 

He was met with polite applause.  "I like his hair," said Ethyl Pinckston, an 85 year old resident, "but I'll have to get my Belltone adjusted because I didn't understand a word he said.  "He seemed like a reasonable fellah," said Roman Chelski, "be he kinda looks like this guy who bought our company back in the 80's and sold it for scrap to some foreigners which put me and the boys out of work."

The Corporations Are Peeps Too campaign will be officially launched in Toolendye, Indiana, a once prosperous manufacturing town whose only remaining employer is the local Walmart.  "This town is a symbol of how regulations forced on corporations by the FDA and the EPA have sent business to China where they know that worrying about breathable air and drinkable water is the most job killing thing imaginable," Romney said.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News Service) - Fox News is reporting that they have strong evidence that President Obama was praying to "his Islamic god" at the precise moment the 5.8 earthquake hit near the nation's capital.  "I saw Obama stop in the middle of a golf swing and face east toward Mecca," said Bram Whitestone, a caddy who was on the same golf course as the president in Martha's Vinyard, "I looked at my watch and was shocked to find out later that it was the exact time as the temblor  rocked Washington."

"The Quake is proof of how much Obama hates America," said Fox's Steve Doocy, "because while the beloved Washington Monument was cracked, not one mosque in the entire capital area received any damage."

In light of the unprecidented earthquake that occurred during the Obama presidency, GOP lawmakers have thereatened to do what it takes to shut the government down unless the president apologizes for causing the natural disaster.  The president issued a statement that in the interests of reaching across the isle, he will apologize, not only for causing the quake, but for hurricane Katrina, 9/11, the attack on Pearl Harbor and for enticing Eve to eat that apple.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News Service) - As the Moammar Gadhafi era in Libya comes to an end, Repbulican presidential candidates have credited the ouster of the long time dictator to former Presidents George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan. "If it weren't for President Bush getting rid of an Islamic dictator first when he smoked out Saddam Heussein and Osama Bin Laden," said Rick Santorum, "it was only a matter of time before Obama would catch on."   "The liberal media will go out of their way to give Obama credit for Gadhafi's fall," said Sarah Palin, but every right thinking American knows that when Ronald Reagan said 'tear down that wall, Mr. Kruschchev,' that he also meant the wall around Moammar Gadfly so when the iron curtain opened it knocked out the Liberian dictator too.  Boy, if I could have only seen all that from my house, it would have been better than puttin lipstick on a pig, I betcha."

New front runner Rick Perry said, "this all goes to show the ineffectiveness of Obama.  Bush and Reagan hitched their wagon to good 'ol American troups to get the job done when a job needed to get doen, while Obama panicked and immediately gave up control to the UN which we all know is chock full of French and gay soldiers."    Michele Bachman said, "I am not sorry to see Gadhafi go, but if you had a President Bachmann, I would make sure we set up the new Libya as a Christian state and then secure their oil for the good old USA so we could get below $2.00 a gallon, and not leave that country to untrained Islamists who hate America almost as much as Obama does."

When asked if he thought President Obama deserved a little credit for the overthrow of Ghadafi, because of Obama's polices of building a coalition with other nations and helping the rebels plan and carry out a strategy, Mitt Romney said, "Your are missing the whole point.  You simply can't give any credit for anything to a president who doesn't believe that corporations are people too."

Monday, August 22, 2011

by R J Shulman

WATERLOO, Iowa - (PTSD News Service) - Taking the offensive against critics who have criticized her attempt to celebrate Elvis' birthday on the date of his death at a political rally, Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachmann lashed out by saying that "socialist Democrats have sunk to a new low.  Just like my headaches, my dyslexic condition is something that should be off limimts for the those un-Americans on the left who hate Jesus and support the abominable gay lifestyle.

Bachmann said that the left wing suffers from the disease of liberalsim and "shouldn't throw glass houses if they haven't walked in your moccasins."  She concluded by saying, "Thank dog my dyslexia has no effect on me and all I can say to my detractors is that they can go fcuk themselves."

Saturday, August 20, 2011

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News Service)  The  bad blood between the Bush family and Texas Governor is about to get worse.  It is not secret that the Bushs and Perry don't see eye to eye as evidenced by Jeb Bush's endorsement of Jon Huntsman for the Republican nominaiton for president.  However it was announced today that George W. Bush is about to realeas a book about Governor Perry called The Idiot's Guide to Dummies, while Perry is striking back with a tell-all about Bush called Idiot's for Dummies.

"My book which has more pages than The Pet Goat, is a total exposation of Perry that smokes him out dead or alive," former President Bush said, "he'll fool you once and shame on you, he'll fool you again and as you know how the old Tennessee saying goes - 'you can't get fooled again."   Perry countered by saying that he is the real Texan and not Bush who was born in New Haven, Connecticut and that "Bush has been known to use the word 'fabulous' a heck of a lot and kissed a Saudi prince which proves he's got alot of work to do to pray away the gay."

Both books were supposed to debut with a special promotion at Borders Books, but will have to be rescheduled as Borders was forced into backruptcy by the recession.

Sunday, August 07, 2011


by R J Shulman

SANTA FE - (PTSD News Service) - Standard and Poors did something that no one, including myself, thought they would ever see - they said the credit rating of the United States of America, the only remaining superpower, was just not that good anymore. This is a historic occasion and one of such magnitude requires that we give credit where credit is due, (unfortunately not to the US who is now has a AA+ and not AAA credit rating).

First and foremost, credit must go to the Tea Party who infiltrated the Republican Party and Congress and made certain their promise that government couldn't do anything right came true. The problem is that by their own reasoning each Tea Partier who supported holding the debt limit hostage must now shoot themselves in the head with their own guns. Here is how it goes: 1) Anyone who blows up something American is an enemy such as Osama Bin Laden who according to the Tea Party was justly killed by Bush's successful torture policy, 2) the Tea Party blew up the financial credibility of the US which makes them traitors, 3) Traitors must be punnished, 4) The best punnisment is the death penalty becuase it would be too expensive to use taxpayer money to keep someone locked up for life, and 5) since you shouldn't have to depend on the government for handouts, Tea Partiers whose love for the Second Amendment means they most likely have a gun, should use it and their own bullets, thus saving precious tax payer dollars on frivolous trials.

Also thanks go to President Barack Obama. Now us white folks are grateful to know that the next time we may encounter a strange black man (especially if he was born in Kenya) in a dark alley we should not be afraid, because we now know he is not going to kick our ass.

Thanks go to the Progressive Dems who are not only too chicken to call themselves liberals anymore, but were so angry that Obama didn't reverse 30 years of horribly destructive Reaganonmics in less than two years that they did not go to the polls in 2010, allowing the infiltration in congress by those who say they love the US Constitution but forgot to read it. (see the clause about the debt of the US shall not be questioned for example).

Thanks to Standard and Poors who were careful enough not to waste a downgrade on Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, AIG and the other gangsters, banksters and organized crimesters on Wall Street when they knew that were dealing junk, so that they could use the downgrade where and when it was needed - The United States of America.

I guess whoever said "we have looked at the enemy and they look just like us" may have had something there.