GOP UNVEILS JOBS PLAN: REPLACE MINIMUM WAGE WITH MAXIMUM WAGE
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News Service) - The Republicans have announced they will introduce a bill in the House that will get America back to work again.  "The biggest problem faced by the American economy today," said Speaker of the House John Boehner, "are the job-killing high wages caused by the Obama supported minimum wage.  Not only will our plan end the minimum wage, but it will established a maximum wage that can be earned so that union thugs can no longer force the job creators to pay exhorbitant wages to lazy employees."  Under the plan the maximum wage will start at $2.25 per hour and gradually work its way down to $1.25.  CEOs and upper management are exempted from the maximum wage.

The GOP have projected that their maximum wage plan will add over three million jobs.  "It is partially modeled after what Governor Perry was able to accomplish with his Texas miracle," said Republican spokesman John Potter, "we've just taken it to its logical conclusion."

The "compassionate conservative' plan addresses the high unemployment among African Americans.  "Since those black people have had an unfair advantage for about 40 years with that affirmative action and quota stuff," said Michele Bachmann, "this bill will level the playing field by forcing the Negros to work hard long hours for no wages at all for oh, lets say about 400 years.  And when they are done we will make sure we show our appreciation by giving each family 40 acres and a mule."

The plan calls for more tax cuts for the upper 1% and adds a 30% extra tax surcharge to the unemployed.  "This incentive program will entice the shiftless unemployed to take stock of their life and strive to be billionaires," said House Majority Whip Eric Canter.  "And the 50% tax on being gay will help those who didn't take "pray away the gay" seriously to see the light, you might say its a 'tax away the gay" program.

President Obama said he would be willing to meet with the party across the aisle to discuss their ideas and that nothing was off the table except tax increases for the rich and prosecution of Bush and Cheney as war criminals.