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Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch

The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017



















TRUMP PARDONS ASSOCIATES, FAMILY, AND SELF AND DECLARES HIMSELF A SAINT

by R J Shulman

KING OF PRUSSIA, Pennsylvania (PTSD News Service) -  At a rally of his cheering supporters in this suburb northwest of Philadelphia, President Trump announced today that he was pardoning all of his associates, his family members and himself from any crimes, “imagined by the fake news witch hunters, shameful partisans and other losers.  Believe me, this huge pardon extends to anything at all including any future crime that I or anyone loyal to me could possibly be accused of in the future, but any pardon I may have given to Jeff Sessions, James Comey or Wikileaks is hereby taken back.”

The President also said that he granted sainthood to himself saying, “since I am the commander in chief and in charge of all the cannons, then it only makes sense that I can canonize myself and besides, where in the Constitution does it say someone has to be dead to become a saint or say a president needs a rabbi to declare him a saint?”


The President said that he took the steps to pardon himself and declare himself a saint to keep his main campaign promise to “Make Trump Great Again.”

Friday, July 07, 2017













TRUMP THANKS PUTIN FOR HIS INTEREST IN AMERICAN DEMOCRATIC PROCESS
by R J Shulman

HAMBURG, Germany – (PTSD News Service) – In a meeting that took over two hours, President Donald Trump praised Russian President Vladimir Putin for showing “a sincere interest in learning the ins and outs of the way Americans vote for their supreme leader.” Trump said, “I only wish that Americans would show such a focused interest in performing their civic duty so that next time a greater voter turnout will give me a greater margin of victory,” Trump said. 

“Because President Putin has been so gracious in reaching out to touch American democracy,” Trump said, “America has agreed with Russia to a cease fire in Syria with the eventual removal of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, which would most likely happen when Assad either dies or annoys Russia, bigly.”

While some doubted that Trump would bring up the issue of Russian hacking in America, the President addressed it head on by saying he was convinced that Putin “couldn’t have hacked in America, because unlike those bad hombre Islamic drivers running dangerous terrorist taxis all over New York City, Vladimir does not have a valid hack license.”   


Trump also wanted to remind Americans that Russia is a great source of power in the fight to defeat ISIS as well as a powerful source for obtaining mail order brides.