BUSH MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH SECRETS REVEALED
by R J Shulman

SAN ANTONIO - (PTSD News) - George W. Bush has hit the motivational circuit and the Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a copy of the former president's speech notes he calls "notivational cards." Here is an exclusive look at how the former commander in chief prepares for his "Yes, The Mission Was Accomplished Tour:"

1. Say your name to the crowd, so they can remember you remember who you are.

2. Tell them that anyone can grow up to be president, except me, 'cause I never grew up, heh-heh.

3. Show them how to say heh-heh after you screw up.

4. Show them how to avoid taking responsibility, heh-heh

5. Tell them why their daddy should clean up their mess.

6. How to use slogans and catch phrases to cover up your f-ups.

7. How to keep saying heh-heh to cover up your f-ups.

8. How to cover up your cover ups.

9. How to cover up that you f-up covering up your cover ups.

10. How to dodgicate terrorist shoes.

11. Why everyone needs a dick - a Dick Cheney, heh-heh.

12. When to call on Jesus to forgive your f-ups.

13. What to do when Jesus won't forgive your f-ups.

14. How to enjoy the little things in life like making fun of a person about to get the death penalty.

15. How to start a war to cover up your f-ups.

16. How to blame someone else when you f-uped by invading the wrong country.

17. Motivation is important because it rhymes with vacation

18. Don't make let your mind be vacant of thoughts - which reminds me of a vacation.

19. Now don't use too much dressing of the salad kind, like 100 Island or Ranch - now that reminds me of a vacation on my ranch.

20. Gotta go.

21. Now wasn't this a great speech? heh-heh.

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OPT OUT FEATURE OF HEALTH CARE BILL STARTS FIRE STORM
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Within a few days after Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced he would support a heath care bill with a provision that allowed states to opt out of a public option, Washington has been consumed with little else. With the exception of some liberals and progressives, most politicians have thrown their support behind this idea. "The Democrat party has been screaming how important it is for the American people to have a public option," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "so how can they be against an option on an option."

Many are now suggesting an opt out for states should be expanded to other laws. "We feel that states should be able to opt out of civil rights laws," said Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour. Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC) said, "Just think of what I could have shouted at Obama if we had opted out of all that PC crap." "The opt out will rise again," said South Carolina Republican Lynn Westmoreland, "Heck, South Carolina has been trying to opt out since 1860."

New York has expressed an interest in opting out of securities fraud laws, while Texas has said it will opt out of the Bill of Rights and any other laws that get in the way of the unfettered use of the death penalty. "We are going to have an opt out referendum," said Phyllis Combstock, President of Mothers Organized Righteously Over Nothing or MORON, "so that Kansas can opt out of evolution." However, as one observer said, "that's already happened."

Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut also supports the opt out provision. "After all I opted out of the Democratic Party and opted out of being able to take the moral high ground on anything else again."

Large Corporations have also approved of the opt out idea. "We have successfully opted out of paying taxes so all we need now is to get tort reform passed so we can opt out of responsibility for any of our wrongdoings," said Jeffrey R. Immelt of General Electric.

Both talk show host Glenn Beck and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann support the opt out provision. "After all, Glenn and I have one big thing in common," said Bachmann, "we both have opted out of anything resembling sanity."

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FOX NEWS STAFFERS FIRST ON OBAMA'S DEATH PANEL LIST
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - According to a secret memorandum uncovered by the Washington Times, the Obama administration is not only shunning Fox News but has placed its senior executives and top anchors at the top of its list of who gets interrogated by Obama's newly formed death panels. "Why is this not surprising?" said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Network, "what I can't understand is why this foreign born gun grabbing Muslim terrorist who is the most liberal and unqualified president of all time didn't want to have an honest discussion of the issues on our network?"

"Those hypocrites in the Democrat Party always talk about rights, but are the first to take away the First Amendment Rights of conservatives who want to tell the truth," said Glenn Beck. "At least when Bush gave the press the finger, he did it for patriotic reasons."

"I can't believe how petty Obama is to punnish Fox for breaking the story of the billions and billions of people who participated in the anti-Obama tea parties," said Neil Cavuto, "But of course, his attack on Fox News is just a decoy ploy of the Obamanistas to bury the real stories like how the Democrat Party replaced their whole platform with the gay agenda or the horrifying fact that Obama is planning to force everyone to replace Jesus with Mohammed."

Commentator Bill O'Reilly expressed his anger over the Obama target memo, saying, "The only thing that makes me angrier than Hussein Hussein Obama's targeting of Fox news for extermination is that I didn't make his enemies list." Speculation is that O'Reilly's ratings have been dropping, making him a less desirable target.

The Obama administration is denying the memo, but said the Washington Times story has given them some very interesting new ideas.

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GOP HATES HATE CRIME LEGISLATION

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - GOP leaders are furious they were unable to halt the new hate crime legislation that was passed by Congress that provides for enhanced sentencing for crimes targeting gays. "Right now we are hopping mad we were unable to stop this clearly partisan legislation that surely means a government "gag-order" on conservative talk radio," said GOP Honorary Chairman Rush Limbaugh, "Honestly, for ratings, my whole show has to be a hate crime."

"This new law is going to be impossible to administer," said Ambrose Precious Johnston, founder of Still In Closet Klan, or SICK, an anti-gay activist group. "How are the thought police going to know if the reason I kicked the crap out of a limp-wristed, lisping homo from San Francisssy-co is because I was expressing hatred for the wimpy bastard, or because he was simply a guy who accidentally got in the way of my tire iron?." Senator John Kyl (R-AZ) echoed this concern, asking, "Could I be sent away to prison for a long time if I tell some guy to shove his Liza Minnelli or Cher Records up his posterior?"

"What I want to know why it's a hate crime if I try to do the Lord's work by using a little necessary persuasion, lets say with a gun or a boot to convince a deviant they are on the wrong spiritual path, but not a hate crime when Obama targets CEOs for getting too much pay. Isn't that inciting hatred of those who have achieved success?" said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

"I believe in my heart that this type of law is completely unnecessary," said Senator John McCain. "Those people already have a unfair lock on hair styling and interior decorating and you can already get up to sixty days in jail in Arizona for dragging a gay person to death behind your pick-up truck."

Former President George W. Bush said he would "veto-cate against the bill" when it came to his desk. "Thank goodness that joker no longer has a desk," said Senator Barbara Boxer, a supporter of the legislation.

"This is a day that will go down in infamy, as the moment we gave special rights to homosexuals who as we all know are responsible for all crimes in this country," said commentator Ann Coulter from her hospital bed where she is recovering from an enlarged prostate. "With this abominable despicable law passed by the diseased mentally ill vermin in gay infested Washington blocking us from our Constitutional right of hating those scum of the earth sub-human gays and lesbians," said talk show host Michael Weiner, better known to his fans as Michael Savage, "the only thing left to do with all of our hatred is to hate ourselves."

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FOX NEWS: COULD OBAMA'S SWINE FLU BE TARGETING CONSERVATIVES?

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - Fox News is reporting today that there may be evidence President Obama not only engineered the swine flu epidemic but that his declaration of a flu emergency is the first step in putting political enemies in detention camps he has secretly built all over the country. "What we want to know about this epidemic is why the flu's victims in America have been over 85% Chrisitian and over 50% white," Pat Robertson told Sean Hannity on Fox. Hannity dismissed the explanation that those figures represent the general US population by saying that was just the partisan garbage of liberal communistic Obama appeasers.

"So far only conservative congressmen have contracted the flu, which is mighty suspicious," said Newt Gingrich. In fact, South Carolina Conservative Joe Wilson's wife has been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus. "If Barack Hussein Obama tries to deny he's responsible for this flu," Wilson said, "I will tell him, 'you lie.'

"Is it more than co-incidence that the swine flu started in Mexico right after Obama failed to condemn illegal immigrants?" Fox News anchor Neil Cavuto asked. "And how hard will it be for patriotic Americans to protect themselves against the Obama Swine Flu if this rouge foreign-born impostor of a president has taken their guns away." Cavuto said while there is no actual evidence any of this is true, "there is also no conclusive evidence that it is not true. We are the only network to ask these tough questions which, of course are ignored by the liberal mainstream press. After all," Cavuto said, "this is Fox News, where we ask the questions and let the people decide."

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LIMBAUGH WANTED TO BUY FOOTBALL TEAM SO HE COULD OWN BLACK PEOPLE
by R J Shulman

CAPE GIRARDEAU, Missouri - (PTSD News) - Longtime Rush Limbaugh friend, Hank Gurley said the talk show host wanted to purchase the St. Louis Rams football team because Rush wanted to fullfil a life long dream of owning blacks. "Only he didn't use the word blacks," said Gurley, "because with me he doesn't have to get all PC and stuff."

Gurley said Rush really does like football, being a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, but was excited about combining that with "owning a team which would have plenty of those kind of people as players." Limbaugh was as excited about this venture, Gurley told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, "as he is at the prospect of President Obama failing."

"He sure was heartbroken when the NFL said no, and he kept saying that it was because he was white," Gurley said, "Rush told me his biggest regret about not being an owner of the Rams was that he wouldn't be able to sell an uppity player down the river, to say New Orleans, to the Saints.

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EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT OF SCRAPPED OBAMA FOX INTERVIEW
by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained from a reliable source a copy of the until now unknown interview of President Obama by Fox News anchor Neil Cavuto. The interview did not go as planned, as you will undoubtably understand from reading the following excerpts, so it was never aired.

Here is the transcript:

FOX: Good evening. I'm Neil Cavuto of Fox News, where we present the facts and let you decide. And unlike the other networks, we do not put a spin on the news or the questions we ask our guests. Tonight, please welcome the man falsely elected President by Acorn criminal voter fraud, Barack Hussein Hussein Hussein Hussein Obama. Did I forget to say Hussein? Well this is surely a first, Mr. Hussein for you to appear on Fox News.

OBAMA: It's President Obama, if you please and yes this is the first time I've appeared on the Fox Lies Network.

FOX: When did you first decide to include death panels in your health care reform, Mr. Hussein?

OBAMA: That's Obama. Let me make this clear. I did not include death panels in my health care package until I learned that most of the Fox News staff would be on the plan.

FOX: Mr. Hussein, why did you want to subject the American people to doctor rationing?

OBAMA: It's Obama. That's just not true. You can see Dr. Kervorkian anytime you like.

FOX: You've obviously seen all the spontaneous tea parties protesting your presidency. How come you have not acknowledged these thoughtful Americans who are exercising their First Amendment rights, Mr. Obama?

OBAMA: Hussein. Now you've got me turned around. Mr. Cavuto, to be honest, I never thought lemmings were all that thoughtful.

FOX: You and your followers have complained that at these tea parties, loyal Americans have been comparing you to Hitler, yet you were silent when liberals compared President Bush to the German leader. How come?

OBAMA: That's also not true. I have always maintianed that there was a major differrence between Hitler and Bush - Hitler actually got elected.

FOX: In what part of Kenya were you born?

OBAMA: You should know that, Neil. I was born in the area of Kenya where all the anti-American Muslims live who want to become president of the United States by faking birth certificates in Hawaii so they can become Commander in Chief and take away American's guns, girlfriends and god and replace them with gays, gays and more gays.

FOX: Wow! Now that is the first thing you've ever said that's not a lie. Now that you are on the truth wagon, when did you stop beating your wife?

OBAMA: When I started seeing yours.

FOX: That's all we have time for right now. Thank you Mr. Hussein. We will be right back when we answer the question, "Is there a best way to take action against an illegitimate black president who wants to force his communist homosexual Muslim agenda on your family?

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FOX NEWS: BALLOON BOY HID TO ESCAPE SPEECHES BY OBAMA
by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - Fox News seems to have asked and answered their own question: Did six year old Falcon Heene, better known as the balloon boy hide in his attic to escape being forced to watch a Barack Obama speech? Yes, indeed, Fox says.

Neil Cavuto reported that "Ever since Obama was allowed to brainwash school children with his talk to them, little Falcon became terrified he would be forced to watch a presidential speech." Richard Heene, the boy's father told Fox News that he had been teaching his sons how to escape the creeping fascism of the Obama administration by building hot air balloons as their science project. Richard told Cavuto, "I home school my kids so they can avoid the clutches of the socialist Jesus denying fascists who have infiltrated our public education." Heene said the next school project will involve beer, parts of pick-up trucks and guns."

Authorities are not sure if the incident was real or a hoax after Falcon originally said that the whole thing was part of a show. "What he meant," said his father who made sure the whole incident was filmed, "was that if we pulled this off, the news media would follow us 24/7 and ignore real news stories such as the health care mess, the unemployment mess and the mess in Afghanistan." The Post Times Sun Dispatch contacted the major networks to see if they thought they had been deliberately sidetracked into covering this story. Only one network, NBC returned our call saying, "how could you be wasting our time with such a stupid question, when we have to find out balloon boy's favorite video game."

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NFL TO LIMBAUGH:IF YOU WANT TO OWN, YOU HAVE TO PLAY
by R J Shulman
NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell informed talk show host Rush Limbaugh that he will be allowed to be a partner in a group who wants to buy the St. Louis Rams under one condition - he must suit up and play on the field as one of the Rams. "The best way for someone like you to understand the effect your daily racist comments have on the players," wrote Goodell, "is to have them personally explain it to you in the way they know best, tackling the crap out of you."

Goodell said they will still have to iron out some possible rule changes because not only will the players from the opposing team want to slam Limbaugh to the ground, but his Ram teammates will want to do the same. Because it is likely that Limbaugh would fail the mandatory NFL drug test, Goodell said the league will make an exception and wave the restrictions.

"Limbaugh is always crying about how affirmative action gives jobs to unqualified black people, making white guys the victim of discrimination," said NFL players representative DeMaurice Smith. "We hear ya bro, so now you can be the unqualified white affirmative action player of the Rams."

If the sale goes through, Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo says he will have to create a new position for Limbaugh. 'He's completely unsuitable to be a halfback, fullback or quarterback, so I guess he'll have to play something more in line with who he is, a throwback. His presence in the game will give a new meaning to the term 'yards rushing,'" Spagnuolo continued, "as it will mean the number of yards a player drags lard-ass down the field without passing out."

Limbaugh said he had second thoughts about this new offer from the NFL and that he is contemplating purchasing an unnamed NBA basketball team instead. "If he does buy a team," said Cleveland Cavalier's Shaquille O'Neal, "somthing's gonna get slam dunked around here and it ain't gonna be a basketball."

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SAXBY CHAMBLISS: DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL WORKS SO WELL, IT SHOULD BE EXPANDED TO WORK PLACE
by R J Shulman
CHARLESTON, South Carolina - (PTSD News) - While there have been increasing calls for a reversal of the military's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, South Carolina Senator Saxby Chambliss came to its defense. "No man wants to know whether that other man staring at him is doing so with evil intent, so he shouldn't have to ask if something contrary to God is going on in that man's head," said Chambliss, "so being kicked out of the military is a good incentive for the homosexual deviant to be stopped from destroying military discipline by blurting out that he has chosen an abnormal lifestyle."

Chambliss says the policy works so well, it should be expanded to the private sector. "So if someone has been lured into the gay lifestyle but doesn't care to admit it or choose to subject his fellow workers to Liza Minnelli albums, he shouldn't have to be fired."

Fellow South Carolinian, Representative Lynn Westmoreland, also defended Don't Ask Don't Tell. "This policy should be extended to African Americans. If someone is getting a little uppity, you shouldn't have to ask if they're black, and they shouldn't have to tell you as we don't want to be unfairly treating anyone who may or may not have to be put in their place. Of course, if they admit they're black, they do it at their own risk."

"You betcha I think all this not asking and not telling is a good policy," said former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said, "except when I'm president I'll expand it to 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Just Shoot."

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BILL O'REILLY HOSPITALIZED: CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS OF FRANKEN BEING A SENATOR

by R J Shulman
NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - Fox Newsman Bill O'Reilly has been reported hospitalized due to the stress of having to say the words, "Senator Frankin." "Bill seemed to be making a comeback, especially with the success of the conservative attack on everyting Obama and seemed to perk up when Obama failed to persuade the Olympic Committee to choosed Chicago for the site of the 2016 Summer Games," said long time friend Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel, "but when Bill had to announce Senator Franken was pleased Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, he started screaming and then collapsed on the set in a pool of bodily fluids."

As a consequence of his nervous breakdown, O'Reilly is filing a multimillion dollar lawsuit against the Democratic Party. "The outrageous behavior of the Democrat Party rises to the level of cruel and unusual punishment, especially their direct activity in having Acorn fix the election in favor of that Communist, Franken," said Saul Bernstein, an attorney with Goldstein, Leventhal, Cohen, and Gutierrez, "the Democrat leaders knew or should have know this would critically injure my client."

Al Franken, said the he was not familiar with the lawsuit but found it curious that for someone who has spent an entire career attacking trial lawyers, he was certainly quick to find one to sue the Democrats."

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GOP ON OBAMA'S PEACE PRIZE: ACORN RIGGED THE VOTING

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Upon the news of the surprise announcement that President Obama won this year's Nobel Peace Prize, Republicans began protesting like a mad tea party on steroids. "We need to begin a full scale investigation of how Acorn illegally helped Obama win," said House Minority Leader John Boehner. "We have to call a spade a spade and start calling him Obamacorn from now on," said Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell." "The is completely unfair and partisan," said House Republican Whip Eric Cantor, "Bush didn't get one of these medals and he actually mission accomplished something, not like Obama who we've been able to stall on everything he's tried."

"This is a blow to this country of ours and I weep for it," said TV host Glenn Beck, "First a Nazi Communist for president and now a peace prize. This not the American I have come to know and love." Fox News talk mate Bill O'Reilly said the award was undeserved and inappropriate to go to a president who would say something like, "hey, pass me the MF peace pipe, y'all." It's so outrageous," said Newt Gingrich, "How could they give a peace prize to Obama who got us into an immoral and illegal war in Iraq and and a pointless one in Afghanistan."

"Barak Hussein Obama has not yet proven he was born on this planet," said Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann, "and without an earth birth certificate, he is not eligible for the prize." Representative Lynn Westmoreland of South Carolina was disappointed in the award to Obama. "I am afraid after winning this prize, he's really going to get all uppity, and I to show I didn't mean that in a racist way, I'll bet Obama if he doesn't get uppity, I'll buy him a bucket of fried chicken and a watermelon."

"It's not a surprise that a Marxist country like Finland who gives out these questionable awards would give one to a president that palls around with terrorist peacenicks," said former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. "The only people he even got to the peace table was an over zealous white cop and a black Harvard professor with a chip on his shoulder and he couldn't even get them to agree on a beer," said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

"This vermin, who has moved his crack smoking wife and illiterate illegitimate children into a hijacked White House is clearly a affirmative action peace prize winner," said talk show host Michael Weiner, known to his fans as Michael Savage. "If Obama is for peace in the world, I want peace to fail, no matter what the cost, no matter who has to die," said Rush Limbaugh.

Every single Republican has condemned the selection of Obama for this prestigious prize. Most Democrats are cautiously pleased, while some of the so-called Blue Dog Democrats are saying the prize should be shared with John McCain. McCain was unavailable for comment as he was still trying to count the houses he owns.

When asked what he thought of a standing American president getting the Nobel Peace Prize, former Vice President Dick Cheney said, "standing, sitting or shooting, who the hell would want that award?"

"This award had nothing to do with Obama," said political analyst Rebeccah Stout of the Winters Institute, a Bethesda, Maryland think tank, "they would have given it to anyone who replaced Bush, even if it was Carrot Top."

Meanwhile, two more US troops were killed in Afghanistan today.

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GOP IN PANIC:WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO BE AGAINST
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Republican party leaders have called an emergency meeting to address the shrinking number of issues they can be against. "The Democrat Party has tried to label us the party of no new ideas," said Newt Gingrich, "and now we are in danger of proving them right as we seem to have no new ideas to be against."

"We have had recent success by being against Obama, health care reform, gays, public education, saying yes I can, gays, hope, clean air, America getting the Olympics, minimum wage, gays, magic Negros, and did I say gays?" said House Minority Leader John Boehner, "but that is getting old, so we need to come up with new things to hate."

"Part of the problem is that the Republicans have lost their focus because they have been for and against the same issue," said George Will, "for example they have been for the Afghan War because of all the ammo, killing and machismo of combat, but they are also against it since Obama is now the Commander in Chief. Likewise, they are for illegal immigrants as they provide cheap labor, but then hate them as soon as they start speaking in Spanish."

"We are definitely running out of what to protest against," said political pundit David C. Martell, "and have recently had to oppose what were once iconic symbols of America. They have vilified mothers, demanding that they get no help in tough economic times, especially if it could be considered welfare in any way. They have come out against apple pie as they could be baked by union members and they wanted to kill Chevrolet by denying them bail out money."

Even gay bashing, which has been a staple for the GOP has come under fire. "We have been accused of being homophobic but that is not true," said Republican National Chairman Michael Steele, "we are just against the gay agenda and the gay lifestyle, but have nothing against young boys, if fact we love them, love them alot, but not in the ways which we are against."

"Pretty soon the Republicans will be left with only one issue to be against," said Gingrich, "and that would be against being against everything, and frankly, as a Conservative, I'm against that."

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CHICAGO LOSES OLYMPIC BID; US DECLARES WAR ON DENMARK
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - The stunning defeat of Chicago's bid to capture the 2016 Summer Games has led to swift action from President Obama. The president, who made a special visit to Copenhagen to help the Windy City win the Olympic nod to host the Summer Games wasted no time in declaring war on Denmark. "Make no mistake about it," Obama said, "when I went to meet with the Olympic committee, I had to take time away from the War on Drugs, the War on Poverty, the War on Cancer, the War on Terror and the War on Christmas. So to be slapped in the face like this means war, and so we now have the War on Denmark."

President Obama has already put together a Coalition of the Fuming, which includes Spain and Japan, who also lost their Olympic bids to the eventual winner, Brazil. In addition, Obama has enlisted the support of almost one billion Muslims who are still angered over the Danish cartoonist who depicted Mohamed as a terrorist.

"Denmark usually shows up as the happiest country in those stupid surveys," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, "let's see how happy they are after a little shock and awe." "There is something rotten in Denmark, all right," said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, "and we are going to have to deal swiftly with this great right wing Danish conspiracy."

"I will forget about all this partisanship bickering we've been having and will come to the support of our president in time of war," said Utah Republican Orrin Hatch, "besides I'm happy to support attacking any country riddled with socialized medicine." "I am pleased to see that the president has finally grown a pair," said former Vice President Dick Cheney, "and realized that sometimes you have to go to the dark side to protect America."

Congress has already passed a massive anti-Denmark bill that has changed the name of Danish pastries to Freedom Pastries, renamed Great Danes, Great American Dogs, outlawed Danish furniture and placed an embargo on anyone trading with the Denmark. In a show of patriotism, comedian/actor Dane Cook has agreed to change his name. "I love this country so much that I am changing my name to Prince," said the former artist known at Dane Cook, "I always thought that dude had a cool name."

Former President George W. Bush threw his support behind Obama's war. "The new decider, decidicated correctly right by shock and awing those Denmarkians dead or alive. Only there is no oil in Denmark so I would have invaded Russia because they have plenty of that black silver that comes out of the ground." "I agree with the former President that Russia has oil," said former Governor Sarah Palin, "because I can see their oil from my house."

Not everyone is in favor of the War on Denmark. Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio said he doesn't believe the President has the right to declare war. President Obama answered by saying, "Oh, yes I can."

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GOP ON GRAYSON: FINALLY A DEM UNDERSTANDS OUR PLAN

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - The great rift on health care between the two major political parties may be healing. "After months of bi-partisan bickering over health care, a Democrat has finally grasped what we are trying to do with our health care plan," said House Minority Leader John Boehner, referring to freshman congressman Alan Grayson of Florida who said the Republican health care plan was for people not to get sick and if they did, to die quickly.

"These Democrat liberals want to socialize medicine and punish healthy people for the poor choices of those that get themselves sick," Boehner said. "so it's a relief to hear Democrat Grayson get it that we Republicans are the ones who are trying to cut medical costs." "If people weren't so irresponsible as to get themselves into a situation where they get sick," said National Republican Congressional Committee spokesman Ken Spain, "the cost of premiums would go down, not to mention the costs caused by those reckless enough to get themselves infected with catastrophic diseases. If they linger on, they are a disaster on the insurance companies' bottom lines and threaten the very heart of the most sacred of American values - making sure CEOs get their promised bonuses."

"The death panels of the Obama plan call for government bureaucrats decide if someone should live or die while the Republicans support the right of private sector to make such decisions," said Representative Jimmy Duncan, R-Tennessee.

"Grayson was originally attacked by Republicans for his comments until they realized he understood their position," said political analyst Fram Traynor.

"I hate to admit that a Democrat is right," said Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, "but he is correct that it's a crime to let irresponsible people drive up the health costs of the healthy, especially evil are those that choose to force the cost of their lingering death on the American taxpayer. Our plan will eliminate these freeloaders and I am proud to support it. In fact, I wouldn't be caught dead without it."

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