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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

by R J Shulman

SAN ANTONIO - (PTSD News) - George W. Bush has hit the motivational circuit and the Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a copy of the former president's speech notes he calls "notivational cards." Here is an exclusive look at how the former commander in chief prepares for his "Yes, The Mission Was Accomplished Tour:"

1. Say your name to the crowd, so they can remember you remember who you are.

2. Tell them that anyone can grow up to be president, except me, 'cause I never grew up, heh-heh.

3. Show them how to say heh-heh after you screw up.

4. Show them how to avoid taking responsibility, heh-heh

5. Tell them why their daddy should clean up their mess.

6. How to use slogans and catch phrases to cover up your f-ups.

7. How to keep saying heh-heh to cover up your f-ups.

8. How to cover up your cover ups.

9. How to cover up that you f-up covering up your cover ups.

10. How to dodgicate terrorist shoes.

11. Why everyone needs a dick - a Dick Cheney, heh-heh.

12. When to call on Jesus to forgive your f-ups.

13. What to do when Jesus won't forgive your f-ups.

14. How to enjoy the little things in life like making fun of a person about to get the death penalty.

15. How to start a war to cover up your f-ups.

16. How to blame someone else when you f-uped by invading the wrong country.

17. Motivation is important because it rhymes with vacation

18. Don't make let your mind be vacant of thoughts - which reminds me of a vacation.

19. Now don't use too much dressing of the salad kind, like 100 Island or Ranch - now that reminds me of a vacation on my ranch.

20. Gotta go.

21. Now wasn't this a great speech? heh-heh.

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