Find A Lawyer
Find A Lawyer Counter


The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

by R J Shulman

Which one of the above is more likely to get asked for citizenship papers after a police stop under Arizona SB 1070?
Defenders of the law claim it's colorblind and that the converstion might go something like this - "Well Mr James Horn III (hint- the guy on the left), we need to see your papers and you, Mr. Jose Manuel Celistino de la Vega y Garcia y no esta Gringo, we don't need to see yours. Yeah, right. The law is not racist, just like separate but equal was not racist.

For those of you who think this "sudden" immigrant crisis (we'll get to the "sudden" part a bit later) warrants us to go to a warrentless nation where the phrase "let me see your papers," (imagine a bad German accent here) by local authorities is just as American as apple pie, baseball and Chevrolet, ponder this: Since the same law you cherish so much also makes it illegal to hire undocumented workers, imagine you and your white friends consistently pulled over by the cops who demand you prove you have not hired an "illegal" immigrant and if you can't offer such proof, you would be wisked away to one of those privitized jails in Arizona run by Gov. Brewer's friends in CCA Corp (some of her staff actually lobbies for them) who make their fortune based upon how many people are sent and are retained in their lock-up.

Change your mind yet? Didn't think so. Logic and today's conservative seem to be complete strangers. I promised to discuss the timing of this illegal alien issue hitting above the fold. First question, where were all you Republican law makers who pushed this law through and all of you supporters screaming for its immediate implementation when more "illegals" were crossing the boarder under Bush? (it's the economy, stupid and now that the economy is stupid, less are crossing the border now - even so, this current administration is deporting more that the previous one - this of course, not Fox Newsworthy) I guess back during the blissful Bush years you were enjoying your lawn maintained by an illegal gardener, with drinks prepared and brought to you by an illegal maid, calling your illegal nanny to see if see got the car repaired by an illegal mechanic so she could drop the kids off at the a day care staffed by illegals.

Simply, the timing of this law is 100% political. The Republicans who have no ideas on how to fix America that they broke with their 30 years of reverse Robin Hood economics of redistributing th wealth from the poor to the rich and from the rich to the richest, bring out an old tried and true idea - race baiting. And you supporters of SB 1070 have taken the bait.

Now let's address the Fox fed hysteria that illegal Mexican drug lords and their minions are crossing the boarder to kill rancers. (Note: there were more men killed on the Deepwater Horizon than ranchers killed, but you all still want to keep drilling) Wake up. This is not an illegal immigrant problem this is an illegal drug problem. Maybe it would be more effective to stop drug violence by revisiting the insane prohibition on drugs that is a failed as the prohibition on liquor was in the 1920s. Or would you rather continue to close your eyes and feel comfortable with your support of the current drug laws where people who use "illegal" drugs go to jail except for Rush Limbaugh.

Yes, you are right there is a big bad problem with securing our borders, but shooting at people who look "Messikan" might be a tad outside the bounds of the Constitution you all seem to want to get back to. Here are a few suggestions to starting an honest and hopefully fruitful converstation of comprehensive immigration reform:

1) We should all take responsibility and change a government and econimic system which for almost a century has wanted the cheap labor but hates the laborer.(An old bumper sticker that was once popular sums it up best "Welcome to California, no go home")

2) Harsh penalties for employers who hire undocumented workers (hey you righties who like the death penalty, how about frying these lawbreakers? - not that would be an effective deterrant)

3) A fair discussion on what to do about the millions of people who are here illegally (no easy solution here, but lets stop screaming at each other about whether Gestapo tactics are Constitutional, so we can come up with something fair that actually works)

4) Tell Mexico and its ruling oligarchy to shape up and take responsibility to provide work for its people or there will be serious consequesce for them (economic, not nukes for those of you on the right who might get a little excited here)

5) Remember there are other borders, coasts and airports to deal with where illegals enter the country. They may not look Mexican, but they are sure enough just as illegal.

5) Repeal NAFTA, CAFTA, SHAFTA, WTO and all the other pro-multi national corporations, anti-American middle class unconsionable agreements and make American Economic Patriotism fasionable again. (Remember being pro-big business is not the equivalent as being pro-democracy, or pro-Constitution)
6) Take the Rodney King seminar called - "Why Can't We Just All Get Along?"

for the important news scoops, visit CLG at

for RJ's blog visit


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - A new survey indicated the percentage of the Fox News audience that is African American is only 1.38%. What is shocking is not that this is significantly lower than the black population in America, but that any African Americans were watchng that nework at all.

A close examination of the data by the Post Times Sun Dispatch has determined the main categories of black viewers who watch Fox are:

1) in shared hospital rooms where their white roommate has the TV control

2) waiting for service at a DMV which has Fox New on

3) where the cable company only carries one channel - Fox News

4) stuck at the airport when their plane was over booked and the TV is tuned to, you guessed it - FOX

5) waiting for the foxes to show up on the news

6) comforted by a display of the First Amendment free speech and free press in action, regarless of how false, misleading and downright mean the message may be

7) those wanting to keep their friends close, but their enemies closer

Fox has made a pledge to attract a wider black audience with a new program called Operation Affirmative Action which will include:

1) Presenting an Amos 'n Andy Marathon on Labor Day

2) Starting to using the word "ho" to lovingly describe black women

3) Giving out free watermellons

4) Having a special on the importanc of black music starring Charlie Pride

5) Presenting special documentaries on giants of the black civil rights movement, featuring Step 'n Fetchit, Sammy Davis Jr., Clarence Thomas, Uncle Tom and Al Jolson.

6) making it a point to explain that Fox hates illegal Mexicans more than they hate black welfare mothers

7) exlaining it's probably not the black half of Obama that is the communist Nazi community organizing death panelist

"We think with our new campaign," said Fox News President Roger Ailes, "we can get the numbers of those people watching Fox all the way up to 1.5%.

for the important news scoops, visit CLG at

for RJ's blog, visit

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

by R J Shulman

LONDON - (PTSD News) - Tony Hayward took the fall today as BP Godfather Carl-Henric "the Swede" Svanberg made him an offer he couldn't refuse. "After that explosion of bad press following the little oil rig situation," Svanberg said, "we needed a better mouthpiece to placate the small people in the Gulf."

"The Gulf of Mexico public relations disaster represents a failure on the part of the entire oil syndicate," Hayward said before he was forcably removed from his yacht near the Bahamas. A BP spokesman agreed the blame should be shared by many. "We just aren't sure if we should retaliate against the press for blowing up a tiny leak into a firestorm of a story, or maybe we should whack an environmentalist or two so they can go swimming with the fishes that they love so much."

Hayward has been replaced by his former lieutenant Robert "the Dud" Dudley, who beat out several of his rivals who have since found other lines of work. "There will be some changes made in the way we address safety," Dudley said, "That means that news squealers will dissappear faster than the Deepwater Horizon sank."

Hayward was sent to direct TNK-BP, a Russion oil venture in Siberia. "I'd like to see how much yachting that little prick does in the frozen tundra," Svanberg said.

BP announced that due to the increased costs of relocating Hayward, they will not be able to honor the $20 billion they promised President Obama to put in escrow to pay to victims of the oil spill. This was further comfirmed by Svanberg, who when asked by the Post Times Sun Dispatch if BP was still going to compensate the losses suffered by those affected by the oil spill, said, "Forgetaboutit."

for the important breaking news, visit CLG at

for RJ's blog, visit

Monday, July 26, 2010

by R J Shulman

GRAYSON, New Mexico - (PTSD News) - People don't seem to need to know much about the three Rs these days. Reading has been replaced by the radio, TV, computers and cell phones telling us all we need to know. You don't need to write anything as long as you can text a few misspelled words, or tell your friends on Facebook in broken English that you've just taken a dump. And the electronic calculator has taken care of math, or has it?

Maybe not. There are some equations today's conservatives use that would short out the most sophisticated electronic binary system. Here are a few:

1) Being pro drilling + being anti-science = the biggest oil spill disaster in history

2) Rush Limbaugh + ditto heads = lemmings

3) Supporting abstinence only + teenagers = shotgun weddings

4) America divided by fear and loathing = conservative victory

5) Cutting taxes on the wealthy + starting two wars that benefit the wealthy = profits for the wealthy who don't care about the deficits for everyone else

6) Ignorance + lots of talk about Jesus = fear, hatred and intolerance of biblical proportions

7) Untruth times many times = truth

8) Being anti-public education + Fox News = zombie land

9) Black President + he's breathing = white people drink tea (otherwise known as "what goes uppity must come down.")

10) Supporting "Free Trade" + Being anti-governemnt regulations = Corporate Masters

11) Bush minus beer = one crazy white mother f*ucker out to destroy the world

12) Sarah Palin + Michele Bachmann = aaahhhhh! aaahhhhh! kill me now aaaahhhhh!

13) The need to win minus compassion = a sociopath aka the modern conservative

You do the math. It kind of adds up - to one f*ucked up country. Maybe we should all go back to school and pay attention to arithmatic this time or maybe we all deserve to get a permanent detention from teacher, our knuckles crushed by the nun's ruler, or our asses kicked to Kingdom Come.

for the important news, visit CLG at
for R J's blog, visit

Saturday, July 24, 2010

by R J Shulman

GRAYSON, New Mexico - (PTSD News) - The old addage goes something like this, you won't know what it's like to be somebody else, to experience what they have gone through, unless you walk a mile in their shoes. We've heard a great deal about racism this past week, most of it stemming from a failed attempt by conservative blogger Andrew Brietbart to paint a previously unknown civil servant named Shirley Sherrod as a racist.

Breitbart couldn't have picked a worse candidate for his scorn. Mr. Sherrod, an African American who witnessed prejudice (that means pre-judging someone for some trait other than character or deed for those of you who may be unsure of the meaning of the term) in South Georgia, including her father being killed by a white man, wanted nothing more than to pass along the message of tolerance, of helping those in need - maybe something Jesus would have done. Instead, she got a barrage of hatred, scorn and a pink slip from her boss. Fortunately, justice was awake and Sherrod was quickly vindicated, even receiving the Presidental seal of Apology for the unfortunate hasty decision to throw Sherrod under the bus, the pre-Rosa Parks bus.

I didn't hear much of an apology from Mr. Brietbart, Sean Hannity (who was briefly in heaven over beating the hell out of the out of context video), and the Fear and Loathing Brigade who thinks Fox News and facts have anything in common, those who still want believe something like a desperate Fox Mulder of the X-Files wanted to beleive in the supernatural, that Sherrod, like most everyone else who looks like her are the real racists in America.

Even though I have never WUB (woken up black) myself, I will humbly try and present a case for those tea partiers and tea party apologists who think they know all about racism. So here goes, if you want to talk about this topic with some authority, you can do it only after you:

1) have been stopped for the tenth time by the police for driving a car that must be too expensive for you to really own

2) you have been constantly followed by retail personnel after you have told them for the fifth time you do not need any assistance

3) been told, "funny, you didn't sound white on the phone," when you show up for the job interview

4) have been asked ad nauseum, "why do you white people think everything is about race?"

5) finally see the first white man become president of the country and when he tries to repair an obvously broken health care system watch people of a different race plaster his face over Nazi and Communsit uniforms, have his face made up like the Batman Joker, or have it attached to the body of a man dressed in tribal costume

6) hear the phrase "you people" or "white welfare mothers" (there are more of them, by the way) with a certain fear and disdain by the speaker

7) you have been told many times that the only reason you got your job was because affirmative action required so many whites to be employed

8) you have heard your name and the word "uppity" or "audacious" in the same sentence

9) you hear many governors and people in authority call for secession from the union because there is finally a white man in the White House

10) your ancestors were dragged to a foreign continent, enslaved, beaten, raped, ridiculed, and systematically excluded from a a normal life in a country that for centuries boasted to God and the world that "all men are created equal."

If you have experienced all or even a few of the above, then perhaps your comments about racism might have some weight.

And by the way, even if Sherrod was proven to be a racist, finding a black person here or there who has a bad taste in their mouth about white people still wouldn't excuse your long standing, deep-rooted, often acted out fear and loathing of black people. And for those of you Tea Partiers who keep insisting your lively protests against Obama and the federal government are not fueled by your need to hang on to your belief that your birth right includes feeling superior to all black people, but by your concern for deficits and an executive branch out of control, trampling on your rights, where the f*ck were you for the eight years of the reign of the white Mr. Bush and the white dark-hearted Mr. Cheney?

So if the shoe fits...

for the important scoop on the news, visit CLG at

for RJ's blog, visit

Friday, July 23, 2010

by R J Shulman

WOOSTER, Ohio - (PTSD News) - When Wesley Gordon Neuberger voted for Ronald Reagan in 1980, he told his wife, Evelyn he thought the federal government should cut taxes to the wealthy, support big business, Wall Street and the banks because he beleived in the trickle down theory proposed by the Republican candidate. He wished he could prove the theory worked as promised by Reagan to his doubting friends. Thirty years later, Neuberger seems to have gotten his wish. Mr. Neuberger received an extra thirty-five cents in his annuity check from Harbinger Mutual Ivestments.

"This is such good news for my Wes," said Evelyn Neuberger with tears in her eyes, "if only he could hear me." Neuberger, now 89 years-old, lies in a coma in a rest home in Wooster, Ohio. Neuberger was a forty-one year veteran of Mid-Ohio Air (bought out by United Air Lines in 1981), worked as a baggage handler until United hit some hard times and had to fire him and cancel his pension in a bankruptcy restructuring.

"He would have been so proud that his faith in 'the Gipper' proved correct and that we do indeed live in the greatest country in the world," Evelyn said, "I know Wes would have taken me out on the town with his thirty-five cents if he could, but he just stares at the peeling paint on the ceiling." Neuberger's health insurance cancelled him when he got too sick and he was unable to get treatment, which doctors say caused him to slip into a coma.

Harbinger Mutual Investments, who at first were pleased to be the instruments of a trickle down, soon realized the extra payment was a clerical error and will retrieve the thirty-five cents, plus penalties, a reimbursement fee, and interest at 129.99 percent out of the Neuberger's next few checks. "After all, the worst possible sin in this world is to take money out of the hands and silver spoons out of the mouths CEOs or majority shareholders," said Harbinger Senior Vice President Bill Fold, Jr.

for the important news, visit CLG at

for R J Shulman's blog visit

Thursday, July 22, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - House Minority Leader John Boehner has called for a special prosecutor and a Congressional investigation into who gave conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart the edited video of former USDA official Shirley Sherrod that has erupted into a major scandal. "Someone fed this doctored video to Mr. Breitbart knowing he would post it, that it would be proven misleading and thus, ruin Breitbart's reputation," Boehner said, "In the name of all that is just, we need to know who did this and punish them accordingly."

Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) agreed, "we have to use whatever means necessary to expose this person, even if we have to waterboard every Democrat to find him." Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich said it might not take that long to root out the evil-doer. "It has to be Acorn, Geroge Soros, Barack Obama's Hitler Youth, Dan Rather or some combination of them," he told Sean Hannity on Fox. Hannity noted that Obama had apologized to Sherrod, an African American, "but was silent when it came to apologizing to the real victim, Andrew Breitbart who is white."
Talk show host Michael Weiner, better known to his followers as Michael Savage blamed Sherrod herself. "There is no question this affirmative action free-loading racist planned this whole thing with her liberal vermin pals to embarrass a good honest hard working journalist. I hope Andrew sues her for everything she's worth."

Boehner said the $50 million he proposes for the investigation won't add to the defecit. "We'll take it out of the funds that were slated for the extention of unemployment benefits Obama has already spent."
for the important news, visit CLG at

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Frantic Republican lawmakers went into high gear to stop the passage of a law to extend uneployment benefits. "Democrat lawmakers want to reward the very people who deliberately quit their jobs to get unemployment which forced employers to have to find workers in China and Sri Lanka to get their work done," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "The bill that big government Democrats are trying to shove down our throats already boot heeled by the totalitarian Obamacare, is nothing more than a gift to the very people who have destroyed our economy."

"Laziness has now risen to a national virtue," said Senate Minority Whip Eric Cantor, "when in reality these unemployed free-loaders should be fired from the national tax-payer trough." Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said, "the unemployed who refuse to work are the reason we have illegal immigrant Mexicans coming here to get those jobs."

"We need to take America back from this terrorist army of welfare mothers and unemployment check cashers," said Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), "and give it back to the corporations and CEO who will create job where people will actually have to do the work of two or three people to earn their keep."

"When President Bush extended unemployment benefits he was being a compassionate conservative," said Sean Hannity on Fox, "but when Obama tries to do it, it is a typical deficit loving Democrat budget buster." Rush Limbaugh said, "I don't care how many families get thrown to the street or how many children die of starvation as long as not passing an extension in unemployment benefits makes Obama fail."

for the important news, visit CLG at

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - An attack by conservative politicians and broadcasters on a little known USDA official may have backfired on Republicans. Fox News and other conservative outlets made the now famous video clip showing Shirley Sherrod discussing her actions regarding a white farmer a top priority. Even though it surfaced later Sherrod did help save the farmers land, pressure from all corners of the political spectrum including the White House and the NAACP, Shirrod was forced to resign, even though the incident in question happened many years earlier. (The NAACP later retracted its condemnation of Sherrod, saying they were "snookered" by a doctored, out of context video).

However, legal scholars agree, that since there was strong bipartisan support which forced the resignation, under the Equal Protection clause of the Constitution, any other public official who previously used their public office to discrimiate against someone because of race must now resign. The new "Sherrod Law" apparently will cost every Republican in office their job, whether federal, state or local, as they all have discrimiated against a black or hispanic at some time after they took office. "There is no doubt that every Republican everywhere passed or blocked a law based upon race or just plain made a negative official decision based upon race," said Pinkston Wharton, Yale Law Professor.
The law will affect approximately 40% of Democrats who will also be forced to resign. This mass resignation may even effect the Supreme Court, with the 5 conservative justices clearly in volation of Sherrod.

The "Sherroded" officials have 48 hours to pack up their belongings and begin looking for other employment. "We had no idea broadcasting this tape would have such a devistaing effect on the Republican Party," said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News, "It appears the only Republican that wouldn't have had to resign under Sherrod was Abraham Lincoln."

Not everyone agrees this mass resignaton of all Republicans is a blow to the Tea Party and conservatives," said Gilbert Claussens, a researcher with the Goldstone Institute of Bethesda, Maryland, "as they just got their wish for a smaller government."

for the real important news, visit CLG at

Monday, July 19, 2010

by R J Shulman

RIFLE, Colorado - (PTSD News) - To be or not to be refudiating - that is the question. After using the word "refudiate" in a FOX interview with Sean Hannity and in her own tweet regarding a proposed mosque near ground zero, Palin removed the offending word from her message.

In defending her use of the word not found in any dictionary, and not admitting to a mistake, Palin said William Shakespere made up words, too. Her comments immediately sparked a protest in Stratford, Connecticut in which angry Tea Party marchers carried signs depecting President Obama dressed as Shakespere and Shakespere dressed as Hitler. "The liberal media is busy wasting time unfairly bashing Sarah Palin, when they are ignoring the big story that there is a person in the White House who is much smarter than we are," said Warren Batt, a protester from Bridgeport.

Matthew Boyd, Artistic Director of the Royal Shakespere Company of Stratford-upon-Avon, England was not amused. "Shakespere did not have to invent words to describe a person like Sarah Palin," Boyd said, "he simply wrote a play called The Taming of the Shew. What America needs," Boyd concluded, "is a higher level of serotonin, not Sarah Palin."

For the real news, visit CLG at

Saturday, July 17, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Even though he spoke against "socialized medicine," former Vice President Dick Cheney used his government health insurance for his recent heart surgery after experiecing increasing congestive heart failure. Cheney has been resting from the surgery in which he had a left ventricular assist device installed. The doctors had to use parts of a pig heart to complete the procedure. "The reason we had to find swine heart parts," said Dr. Sidney Gupta of the Fairfax Heart and Vascular Institute, "was becuase in Mr. Cheney's case, no human heart was a match. It was not so much that Cheney rejected the human hearts, but the hearts all seemed to reject him."

Gupta said he expected Cheney to have a full recovery with the slight side affect that the former VP seems to have lost his taste for bacon. "He will be up and running and ready to torture enemies in no time,"Gupta said.

"What really kept Dick going is that he wants to live to see at least 1000 more deep water wells drilled in the Gulf and I don't think he will leave us until then," said his wife Lynn.
for the real news, visit CLG at

Friday, July 16, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON- (PTSD News) - In a sharply worded reply to charges that racism exits in the Tea Party movement, Tea Party spokesperson Wanda Hutt said, "how dare those uppity shiftless drug riddled people call us racist. What I wonder is how they found the time to criticize us between cashing welfare checks." The current controversy began when the nation's oldest civil rights organization, the NAACP passed a resolution condemning racist activity within the Tea Party. The NAACP cited incidents where Congressman John Lewis was spat upon, Representative Emmanuel Cleaver was called the "N" word, and the frequent display of signs and posters depicting President Obama dressed in everything from Nazi uniforms to jungle attire.

"If anyone is racist, it's the NAACP because they have the word 'colored' in their name," said Mark Williams, national spokesman for the Tea Party Express. "can you imagine if we called ourselves the White Tea Party? We'd be lynched. And I love white tea. I drink the stuff whenever the beer runs out." Williams said, "Further proof it's black people who are racist is they're the ones obsessed about skin color. I never think about race unless one of those people forgets their place."

Hillary Shelton, director of the NAACP's Washington Bureau and Senior VP of Advocacy and Policy said, "Unfortunately, Mr. Williams is suffering from TWW, thinking while white." Sarah Palin, a strong supporter of the Tea Party and the movement's sweetheart said, "Those NAACPers are nothing but crybabies, when they should be grateful that white people not only rescued their ancestors from a terrible life in Africa, but got a free boat ride to America." Representative Michele Bachmann pointed out that all civil rights leaders are not communist Muslims. "Thank God for right thinking black leaders who know racism is just an invention of the Democrat party to get votes. I wish black people would listent to these great civil rights giants like Clarence Thomas, Michael Steele and Step 'n Fetchit."

Franlin Woods, Professor of Black Studies at Harvard said, "No racism, my ass. The Tea Party and the Republicans are not only the party of "no," they're the party of "no, n*gga, actually, 'hell no, n*gga.'" If Tea Partiers want to know if racism exists, I suggest they get a make-up artist to make them look black and then they should attend one of their own rallies."

for the real news, visit CLG at

Thursday, July 15, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - BP has continued to test their scheme to put a stop on the leak, the leak on their profits, that is. "Not only are we confident we can hold the liability cap at the $75 million that Congress had set up to protect us after the Exxon Valdez," said BP spokesperson Kent Wells, "we think we have enough votes to retroactively reduce the cap to $75 dollars."

Pundits agree with BP. "If they don't have enough congressmen in their pockets now," said Edward W. Sintas of the Goldstone Institute of Bethesda, Maryland, "they will be, after being able to pour all that money to elect their candidates in the upcoming mid-term election. The $20 billion dollar promise to Obama was just good public relations," said Sintas, "but by the time all the BP lobbying is done, their paid public officials will have passed a law that will force the US to reimburse BP for any damage payments they made over $75 dollars." Sintas noted BP has employed twice as many lobbyists than they have personnel to clean up the mess in the Gulf.

BP responded by saying "We are proud to be part of a well-oiled government," Wells said.

for the real news, visit CLG at

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - A federal court struck down the Federal Communications Commission's long standing indecency rules, finding them "too f**king vague." The three judge panel of the Second Circuit of the Court of Appeals said the policy which prohibits the use of swear words on regular broadcast radio and television creates "a chillig effect on free speech and violates the mother f**king First Amendment rights of the people."

FCC Commissioner Michael Copps shot back an angry response saying "the court's ruling is anti-family. How the f**k can parents raise their god-damned f**king kids right when every other f**king word from the TV is a f**king swear word?" Copps called on the commission to revamp the rules to make them pass constitutional muster by being specific enough. "The rules should say," suggested Copps, "something like 'if any of you mother f**king a**holes say some bad sh*t on the air, your mother f**king ass is mine, c**ks**ker."

The ruling by the court was embraced by the broadcast industry who have run afoul of the indecency rule such as the 2003 incident when U2's Bono swore when accepting an award on NBC and the infamous Janet Jackson Superbowl wardrobe malfunction that caused such heartache for CBS. "Now we don't have to have two ways of talking," said Kenneth Baitman of ABC-TV, "you know, our regular way of talking and the mother f**king uptight stuck up your a**hole puritanical mother f**king restricted way we had to watch our f**king language on the air."

Fox TV also supported the court ruiling. "Now we can provide the mother f**king American people with swear words the liberal press won't say and let the people decide the f**king truth.

for the real news, visi CLG at

Monday, July 12, 2010

by R J Shulman

NEW ORLEANS - (PTSD News) - British Petroleum has filed a lawsuit in Louisiana District Court against the Sierra Club, Greenpeace and a dozen other environmental groups, blaming the spill on "these rouge organizations' reckless gestapo tactics that forced BP to drill so far offshore that accidents were bound to happen." In a 3,428 page complaint, BP is seeking $800 billion in damages.

"Not only is it fair for us to recover the $20 billion Obama's boot heel on our neck forced us to pay," said BP spokesperson Clive Bean, but we must be compensated for the loss of all that oil for the loss of our good name and the loss of Tony Hayward's yachtng time. The complaint charges that a vast "enviro-conspiracy made up of a network of orgainized environmental thugs supported by Acorn, George Soros and Al Franken," forced BP to drop its more moderate and safe plans to drill a few hundred or so wells within a quarter mile of the shore, thus setting up the oil leak.

"It's nice to see a real lawsuit, instead of those frivolous ones by lazy loosers who claim they were hurt by oil, the very substance they needed to drive to work," said Joe Barton, (R-Texas) "What better way to appologize to Mr. Hayward and his oil company who wanted nothing more than to supply us with oil than to get them a fair $800 billion settlement."

Spokspersons for the environmental groups were unavailable for comment. Once source told the Post Times Sun Dispatch that most environmentalist were either on their way or already in the Gulf with vats or Dawn dish soap and tears in their eyes.

Sarah Palin supported BP's latest court manouver saying, "it's about time someone has the courage to take back America from the terrorist tree huggers and community organizers who would choose the lives of a few turtles and pelicans over America's need for oil." Palin said the lawsuit was appropriate because, "activist liberal judges have restricted real patriots from using their Second Amendment rights to shoot the environmental traitors, but now we can shoot them down in court."

for the real news, visit CLG at

Monday, July 05, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) said it's time Americans stood up and took back America from the freeloaders collecting unmployment and take back the country from the homeless who get all the benefits yet try to make well off Americans feel guilty for being rich. Just because a few people are lazy and don't want to find jobs is no excuse for tax and spend Dempcrats to extend benefits. It only encourages people getting something for nothing. What is so ironic," Boehner concluded, "is that these are the same liberals in favor of the death tax on Americans who want to leave their billions to their heirs. Those children have worked hard for their inheritance."

Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) blamed the unemployed and homeless for "aiding and abetting the enemy Muslim terrorists by deliberately trying to make America look bad like some third world country that has to buy energy and things from other countries instead of being number one like we are." She also chided the poor and out of work for getting sick to "make our health care system look bad so Obama could shove his socialist health care on America."

Sharon Engle, trying to oust Harry Reid from his seat in Nevada said that this is an election about the good old American work ethic. "No one wants to take responsility and wants big government to do it for them," she said. "Like those workers on the Deepwater Horizon who deliberated got themselves killed so Obama and the big government liberals could shove more frivolous health and safety regulations on the oil industry."

Sarah Palin agreed that this election was important and that the homeless and out of work should stay out of the picture so they don't unfairly play on the hearstrings of Americans to get Democrats elected. "I wish these homeless would just do the right thing and go home."

for the real news, visit CLG at

Sunday, July 04, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - We've all shuddered at the nightmare where we throw a party and nobody comes. But perhaps even worse, is to be invited to a birthday party and then be sent home before you get to eat the cake. Such is the fate of the current political football, the undocumented worker.

It's July 4th, the offical birthday of the United States of America and after gorging on red meat and sipping cool hops and ooohing and aaahing over fireworks and exploding oil wells, Americans these days seem to be obsessed with sending home illegal aliens, or more specifically those that look like they may have crossed from the south, not from the longer border to the north. These men women and children who come to the United States for work for decades have been called braceros, illegals, guest workers and worse. They all have one thing in common, they have all been underpaid.

Thanks to a new law passed by Arizona that tasks law inforcement with asking for papers of those that look suspicously like Spanish is their first langauge, illegal immigration has once again moved to the forefront. "The Republicans know how to whip up hatred toward brown skinned people when they are devoid of other issues or ideas," said Winton Tolliver, a political analysis from the Goldstone Institute said, "but they take a real gamble that if meaningful reform actually stems from their tyrades, they could lose the cheap labor that is so near and dear to their whole being." Tolliver noted that "while Democrats would like the illegal alien vote someday, they do not want to have their low wages depress wages of Americans. This is what makes this whole issue so difficult to solve."

"Its time to come clean if we are going to address the issue of illegal immigration," Tolliver said. "We can start first by changing the inscription on the Statue of Liberty to read, 'give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses so we can exploit them further and then use them again for political gain'."

But why ruin the birthday celebration? There are gardens to be gardened, fruit to be picked and profits to be made. Then we can think about telling them to leave the party.

for the real news, visit CLG at

Saturday, July 03, 2010

by R J Shulman
NEW YORK - (PTSD News) - While unemployment may be at record levels in the manufacturing sector, there is an industry where the situation is even worse - fact-checkers. "The alarming down turn in fact-checkers started when President Reagan ended the Fairness Doctrine, then went into high gear after Clinton relaxed the laws retricting ownership of media outlets and exploded with the birth of cable/internet and the 24/7 news world we are in now," said Judd Townshend, a career fact checker who was recenty let go by CBS. "News is big business now and is all about money and power and not the truth."

"When it comes to news, we just don't have to be that concerned about accuracy anymore," said David Westin, president of ABC news. "Of course, we have to make sure we don't make a mistake when we announce who was sent home on the Bachlorette or who tanked on Dancing with the Stars as that would get viewers really ticked off."
Fox News, the pioneer of factless news, who broke a strike of the Fact Checkers Union in 2005, continues to break new ground when it comes to presenting the news. "It's not enough just to have your own set of facts," said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News, "you need to have a more popuar set of facts. For example, more people are intersted in believing Barak Obama was born in Kenya than the boring fact he was born in Hawaii, hence our heavy use of Obama as the the foreign born Muslim Communist Fascist tryranical dictator."

Many media experts think fact checkers are gone for good. "They are like the typwriter, slide-rule and leisure suit," said Barbara Jackson of MSNBC. "Facts have become irrelevant as the 8-track tape. Opinions have become the new facts."

Some fact-checkers have found jobs checking names against the no-fly lists, others verifying names against ever growing lists of credit card debtors, while others are now checkers at grocery stores. "I am afraid that many of these once high paid fact-checkers have simply checked out," said Will Bergeron who runs a home for retired fact-checkers, pointing to the high suicide rate among out of work fact checkers. "And what is sad is that the news outlets themselves, have failed to report anything at all about the demise of the fact-checker."

for the real news, visit CLG at