BP TO SUE ENVIRONMENTALISTS FOR FORCING THEM TO DRILL IN DEEP WATER

by R J Shulman

NEW ORLEANS - (PTSD News) - British Petroleum has filed a lawsuit in Louisiana District Court against the Sierra Club, Greenpeace and a dozen other environmental groups, blaming the spill on "these rouge organizations' reckless gestapo tactics that forced BP to drill so far offshore that accidents were bound to happen." In a 3,428 page complaint, BP is seeking $800 billion in damages.

"Not only is it fair for us to recover the $20 billion Obama's boot heel on our neck forced us to pay," said BP spokesperson Clive Bean, but we must be compensated for the loss of all that oil for the loss of our good name and the loss of Tony Hayward's yachtng time. The complaint charges that a vast "enviro-conspiracy made up of a network of orgainized environmental thugs supported by Acorn, George Soros and Al Franken," forced BP to drop its more moderate and safe plans to drill a few hundred or so wells within a quarter mile of the shore, thus setting up the oil leak.

"It's nice to see a real lawsuit, instead of those frivolous ones by lazy loosers who claim they were hurt by oil, the very substance they needed to drive to work," said Joe Barton, (R-Texas) "What better way to appologize to Mr. Hayward and his oil company who wanted nothing more than to supply us with oil than to get them a fair $800 billion settlement."

Spokspersons for the environmental groups were unavailable for comment. Once source told the Post Times Sun Dispatch that most environmentalist were either on their way or already in the Gulf with vats or Dawn dish soap and tears in their eyes.

Sarah Palin supported BP's latest court manouver saying, "it's about time someone has the courage to take back America from the terrorist tree huggers and community organizers who would choose the lives of a few turtles and pelicans over America's need for oil." Palin said the lawsuit was appropriate because, "activist liberal judges have restricted real patriots from using their Second Amendment rights to shoot the environmental traitors, but now we can shoot them down in court."

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