BP EXEC APOLOGIZES FOR "SMALL PEOPLE" REMARK, "I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND THE INSIGNIFICANT PEOPLE"

by R J Shulman

VENICE, Louisiana - (PTSD News) - BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg apologized for his comment yesterday that BP cared about the "small people." The Swedish born Svanberg later tried to make amends by saying, "Please pardon my English, which blew up, so to speak, and leaked all over the unimportant little people who I didn't want to offend."

BP said they are doing the best they can to stop Svanberg from spilling any more toxic words about the residents of the Gulf. "We'll try the top kill, where we pour mud and sludge into Svanberg's gaping mouth, but the force of his unfortunate words might be more than a match for gloop we can pour into his face."

BP is also concerned about what CEO Tony Hayward might say when he gets drilled by Congress. "I sure hope he doesn't spew forth the sob story how he was pulled away from his life of yachting and gettng Asian massages to have to have to deal with the pesky little oil spill," said BP Executive Derek Spillman. Spillman pointed out, "When the Exxon Valdez spilled oil like a drunken sailor spends money on shore leave, well it was a drunken sailor that caused it, but the important thing is that Exxon knew to shut their pie hole and wait for a friendly judge to reduce their liability to practically nothing. But those big holes in the middle of BP execs faces have already cost us $20 billion and counting."

Spillman said he expected the BP executive holes to be plugged sometimes in late August. "By then," Spillman said, "we can fix the whole mess by declaring bankruptcy."

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