SPILL DAY 53: OBAMA'S LATEST ATTEMPT AT ASS KICKING FAILS

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Frustration is building as the latest attempt by President Obama to slam his foot into the posterior of a person or persons responsible for the greatest man made environmental disaster has failed. Sources close to the president say the top kill plan, calling for Obama to decisively bring his foot into the backside of the top executive of BP, Tony Hayward, while the CEO was leaning out of a private hellicopter to look at the spot where the Deepwater Horizon oil rig was lost, failed when all Obama could do was shuffle his shoe. The president explained his failure to launch by saying, "Americans are afraid of an angry black man, and the person most afraid of an angry black man is me."

Not everyone was upset at this latest ass kicking failure. Executives of BP, Trans-Ocean, Halliburton and officials from Minerals and Mining Services who allowed oil company personnel to fill out inspection forms breathed a sigh of relief. "We've been spending a great deal of time covering our asses, which may not in reality be in danger of even the first shoe falling," said David Lasar, Halliburton CEO.

"It's time we have a president who doesn't kick like a girl," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Others agreed. "Instead of a president who pals around with terrorists and couldn't beat a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest," said Sarah Palin, "we need a president who isn't afraid to lock, load, aim and thrust a boot into the booty of the persons responsible for the spill - the environmentalists and big government goons who have prevented the oil companies from drilling wherever, whenever and however they want to get us the oil we need."

"There is somebody's ass that will feel the wrath and sting of a boot shoved up in there," said Michele Obama. "the only question that remains is whether I'm gonna use the words "Mr. Chicken-ass president" before I let loose.

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