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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

by R J Shulman

PHOENIX - (PTSD News) - Governor Jan Brewer is actively petitioning the federal government for assistance in combatting a new illegal immigrant crisis - the threat of public school teachers who speak with accents. "They have so infiltrated our schools that we don't have enough state resources to rid the classroom of these dangerous persons," Brewer said. "It's bad enough our babies have to hear these accents from their nannies, but coming from their teachers, no way Jose."

The new unmanned preditor drones, recently tested over Area 51 in Nevada can detect a bad accent like a heat seeking missile reacts to temperature. "If we get these drones, the next time a teacher says, 'how's your seester' instead of 'sister,' blam! she'll be blown back to her dios," said Randall Simp of the Arizona Minutemen who have volunteered to patrol the border with Mexico.

The new initiative, called "Take Out Los Teachers," targets public school instructors, K through 12th grade who have Spanish accents. "There may be some collateral damage, for example if an American teacher's aide is standing next to one of those people or a drone may mistakenly take out some stoner who is listening to a Cheech and Chong record, but that's acceptable collateral damage in time of war," said Senator John McCain, "I'd like to say more, but I need to make sure my maid, Consuela, has properly cleaned my 7, 8 or however many houses I own."

Bill O'Reilly supports the Arizona plan saying on Fox, "Maybe now we can get the liberals who run this country to shift their focus from the War on Christmas to the real enemy - the war on accents."

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