BP: LIBERAL MEDIA IS MISSING ALL OUR WELLS THAT AREN'T SPILLING

by R J Shulman

VENICE, Louisiana - (PTSD News) - British Petroleum, owner of the well that has been spilling oil into the Gulf of Mexico since April 20th is striking back at the media claiming the major news networks are deliberatley distorting the facts to hurt the company's image. "We have over 1137 off shore wells working wonderfully, but you only hear about the one that has sprung a little leak," said Warren Steiger, a BP spokesman, "how fair and balanced is that?"

"Where is the media to report this oil rig explosion is clearly the work of Al Qaeda trying to disrupt our economic system," said Axel Blortman of Halliburton, the company that was working on the oil rigs hours before it blew up and sank. "I told them this would happen," said former Vice President Dick Cheney, "that if Americans voted for Democrats, we would be hit again by terrorists and hit hard."

While not ruling out Al Qaeda, the National Petroleum Institute said the destruction of the oil rig had all the earmarks of Seattle anarchists. "We found a Starbuck's styrofoam cup about 65 miles south of the explosion," said the Institutes president Carl West.

"Look at who has something to gain by this incident and you will know who caused it," said Rush Limbaugh, "so there is no doubt the wind and solar energy cartel did this to redistribute the wealth from oil companies who earned their money to wind wimps, solar loafers and welfare mothers."

Sarah Palin said, "this explosive espionage which blew up the drilling that was going on in the Gulf divides the country into three halves, those that cry for a few useless birds that get some oil on them and those that understand the tragedy here is the loss of good oil. So you betcha, what I have to say to all the duck huggers with their Dawn detergent tyring ot clean off the oil off of animals is that before you point blaming fingers, did you ever try to run your car using water instead of oil"

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