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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

by R J Shulman

ST. PAUL, Minnesota - (PTSD News) - Following the lead of Arizona, another border state, Minnesota has passed a no-nonsense immigration law to stem the tide of illegal immigrants into their state. The new law requires all local and state police to aggressively detain and question anyone they have reasonable suspicion may be in the United States illegally.

"Since the federal government has done nothing to protect our borders, we had to do something ourselves," said Sloan Larson (R-Hibbing), "to stop the great northern hoarde from overwhelming our state." "The longest border in the world is between America and Canada, 8891 miles, with 547 of them here in Minnesota with more holes in it than in O J Simpson's alibi," said Fig Olafsson, head of a militia group from International Falls.
As a guide to local and state police as to what constitutes reasonable suspicion someone has crossed the border illegally, lawmakers suggest that authorities look for:

1. People who hang around too many hockey games

2. A person who uses too much maple syrup

3. Someone who supports socialized medicine

4. Hearing a person say "a-boot" instead of "a-bowt"

"This law is an unacceptable unconstitutional excuse for racial profiling of pale, untanned persons," said Harry F. Cohen, an attorney with the Minnesota ACLU, "this law will disprove the old addage that you can never be too white."
Arnold Gibaud, a spokeman in Governor Tim Pawlenty's office said, "we are going to have to build a fence between the two nations, eh?" right before he was fired under reasonable suspicion of being a illegal Canadian.

Other states may follow, with Oklahoma passing a bill allowing police to arrest anyone they reasonably believe is gay, while South Carolina's law will detain anyone suspected of talking too fast and thus, being from north of the Mason Dixon line.

"Wow," said Groovy Van Ronk, a hippie who has been living in his '63 VW bus in St. Cloud, Minnesota for over forty years, "it used to be when some dude would ask to see your papers, he wanted to roll a joint. Now, it will be because they want to kick you out of the joint."

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