GOP LOBBIES TO CHANGE EARTH DAY TO OIL DAY

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Top Republican leaders will introduce a bill in Congress to change Earth Day to Oil Day. "The environmental wackos have had this day long enough," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "so for the next forty years, its only fair that April 22nd will celebrate Petroleum."

"Just try to heat your car or drive your house down the highway on earth instead of oil," said Sarah Palin, "So it's drill, baby, drill when it comes to taking aim on policy holes in Earth Day's unfair strangle hold on the calendar, you bethca."

Former Vice President Dick Cheney weighed in on the issue saying, "Democrats have unfairly smeared our great patriotic oil companies like Dutch Shell or British Petroleum with lies about global warming." Cheney recently emerged from his bunker because he said, "it's getting hotter than hell down there."

"The reason all of our jobs are going overseas is the environazis have forced companies here to follow punitive laws," Rush Limbaugh said. "We have fallen behind China because they understand you're more profitable when you don't have to worry about overrated things such as clean water and clean air."

The big oil companies were quick to welcome the new legislation. "We think this is a clear signal environmentalists will go the way of the dodo bird," said Richard C. Worth of Exxon, "especially after we defeat the environmental terrorists in the next election by pouring so much money to their opponents' coffers that it will seem like the Exxon Valdez hit another reef."

"The first planned act of the new Oil Day will be to start drilling in Harry Reid's back yard and I don't mean somewhere near him in Nevada. I mean his actual back yard," said Michele Bachmann. "And where is mainstream media when they need to report that the oil rig that was on fire in the Gulf of Mexico sank on Earth Day which is no accident but a deliberate act by the comumusloenvironazis plotting to scare the government into giving them study grants."

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