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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

by R J Shulman

COLUMBIA, South Carolina - (PTSD News) - Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina singed a bill into law today that defines President Obama as only three-fifths of a President. "We need to protect the Constitution, which in Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 clearly indicates Barak Obama can only be three-fifths of a person and therefore it follows that he can only be three-fifths of a president."

"That leaves America needing two-fifths of a president," said Representative Warren Grandville (R-Cayce), "and that other 40 percent of a president will obviously be the runner up, Sarah Palin, who should be the whole person president if Acorn hadn't stolen the election."

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said that as two-fifths of a president, she would be incharge of drilling for oil, keeping up nuclear weapons, teaching kids abstenance only, all of which would leave "the rest of the time for Obama to spend palling around with terrorists." Palin added she would feel right at home being a partial president as she could quit two-fifths of the way into her term.

The three-fifths of a president idea will be brought up in the US Senate by Joe Lieberman (I-Conn), "Just like Roger Sherman proposed the Connecticut compromise in 1787 that led to the agreement making slaves count at three-fifths of a person," Lieberman said, "I will propose this as a modern day Connecticut compromise."

Leaders of various Tea Parties all over the country said they might go along with this new compromise as long as it didn't mean they would only be able to have three-fifths of their guns or hate gays only three-fifths as much as they do now.

Critics of the proposed three-fifths compromise call the bill a great leap backward. However, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich defended the bill. "This should put to rest the lie that Repbulicans are the party of no," Gingrich told a group of cheering Tea Partiers in Valdosta, Georgia, "as this strict constructionist bill we support shows the GOP is once again the party of ideas."
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