FUTURE OF GOP NOT RON PAUL, BUT RUPAUL

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Top Republican strategist Dean Ray Blount believes the only way to heal the rift in the GOP is to embrace a leader who can appeal to the inner Republican. "While there has been a bit of a groundswell for Ron Paul because of his belief in a small federal government," said Blount, "the true repressed inner conservative would really relate more to RuPaul's kinky sexual freedom."

"When you look at all the Republican sex scandals like Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Republicans visiting lesbian simulated sex clubs, and listing a kinky sex line phone number on their fund raising flyers," said Blount, "it's obvious Republicans are so repressed that if they ever let loose they would make all those girls gone wild tapes look like a Sunday school outing."

Blount said the signs were obvious, saying, "Do you really think Karl Rove's marriage to a woman had a chance to last, or that it was just a coincidence that George W. Bush used the word 'fabulous' more than Liberace did?"

House minority leader John Boehner strongly disagreed. "Mr. Blount has me so angry, I could slap him silly," Boehner said. "Everybody knows Republicans are the party of ideas and that its the gays who can't think straight."

RuPaul said he welcomed the chance to unify the Republican party. "While the Democrats are a party with a big tent," he said, "the Republicans obviously have one big closet and I am honored to be the one who can bust open the door."

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