GOP: DEMS TO USE SATAN TO PASS HEALTH CARE BILL WITH "DEMON PASS"
by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - Republicans are accusing the Democrats of enlisting the help of the Prince of Darkness to help them get health reform through congress. "If there was any doubt the Democrats will stop at nothing to shove Obamacare down our throats," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "all you need to look at is how quickly they called on the devil himself for help."

"The Democrats, led by the anti-Christ Obama have conjured up the dirtiest and most sinister of plans by asking Satan's henchmen, the demons to use the dreaded 'demon pass' to get the bill passed without a vote," said House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA). Cantor was referring to the "deem and pass" procedure where a bill can be "deemed" passed without a vote, with lawmakers voting on various amendments later.

When told that the GOP had used the deem and pass procedure at least 36 times when they were in power, Sen. Kyl (R-AZ) said, "when Republicans used the rule, we did it for the baby Jesus. while the liberals want to use it with the blessing of Beelzebub that will send our republic into the depths of hell."

TV evangelist, Pat Robertson asked his viewers on his 700 Club broadcast to send him donations as large as they could afford saying, "the good Lord told me I must raise a million dollars by Friday or else the demons brought forth will be gay demons." "The Democrats are hell bent on rushing health care reform upon us," said House Minority Leader John Boehner, "every rational person knows we need at least another 60 years to study this issue before making hasty ill-advised laws."

So far Democrats are not sure if they will use the deem and pass rule, reconciliation or common sense to achieve health care reform. "We are concerned that if too many Democrats actually agree on the same thing, it could cause hell to freeze over," said House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

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