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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

by R J Shulman

WILMINGTON, Delaware - (PTSD News) - The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a class action suit in Federal District Court in Delaware on behalf of various conservative Americans, including Tea Party members against corporations such as UnitedHealthcare and Exxon/Mobil. "When powerful employers, such as these multinational corporations get people to proved services for them without pay, that is exploitation, pure and simple," said David Goldberg, an ACLU lawyer. "They trick these well meaning, conservatives like the Tea Partiers to support the oil companies by having them spread the word there is no global warming, or doing the leg work of the big health insurance companies to block meaningful health care reform without being paid. This is tantamount to slavery, which is illegal the last time I looked," Goldberg said.

"With the control of the media which they own, corporations, who don't want to pay taxes or be sued when they injure people, have through Fox and conservative talk radio shows brainwashed good Americans to stand up for corporate tax breaks and for so-called tort reform which is little more than a free pass for corporations to hurt people with impunity," said Grace Kaplan, a Washington based ACLU attorney.

"When the economy gets this bad, people are frightened and angry, and they are easy prey for slick corporatists with their billions of dollars for public relations," said Kaplan, "so we, the ACLU are here to tell a different story." Their plan may already be working, as former anti-ACLU disparagers are happy about this lawsuit on their behalf. "At first I was suspicious of those lawyers as being Communist Anti-Christians," said Wayne Gebhart, a self professed Tea Party member from Union, New Jersey, "until they convinced me that I' m struggling financially not because of gay illegal Mexican Muslim welfare mother Democrat tax and spend liberals, but because Wall Street and Corporations have lobbied government to get all the breaks at the expense of my family and friends."

"This lawsuit's purpose is not only to recover the wealth that has been systematically stolen from the middle class by these giant corporations over the last thirty years, but will help educate the American middle class to wake up and take back their rightful place as the important force of what makes America such a great economic force and world leader," said Kaplan.

The suit also names Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity as defendants. "They are like the old slave drivers," said Carl Williams of the ACLU, "you've got Glenn Beck with his chalk board full of misinformation, telling people which field to work next, with no intention of paying them. This has got to stop. We intend to make it clear that unlike the unfortunate recent decision by the Supreme Court, too big to fail corporations are not people, but monsters."

Glenn Beck was unavailable for comment, but was heard crying and mumbling something about states rights and that Jesus was in favor of slaves because they were mentioned in the bible. "These people are our property as we have worked hard to brainwash them," said Boynton Cartridge III, an executive with Raytheon, "and we intend to fight to the death to preserve our culture and way of life, even if we have to have a civil war over it."

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