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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News) - In a little reviewed passage of the holding by the Supreme Court in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, the Court said corporations have the same Constitutional rights as people, said, "Corporations with rights of personhood, can even run for the presidency of the United States as long as they were incorported in America at least 35 years ago."

This language came in focus when Halliburton announced that it will run for the presidency in the Republican primary in 2012. "Rather than line the pockets of our favorite candidate who we hope will do our bidding," said David Lesar, Halliburton CEO, "thanks to the Supremen Court, we can now eliminate the middle man and be sure of the outcome by running for office ourselves."

Haliburton says it will run on a platform of strong national defense, selling cheap weapons and exploding teabags to militias, eliminating costly long term health care by terminating the sick, and by letting our core voters know that the only think black about Halliburton are our black operations. Halliburton says it's narrowing down its choices for vice persident. "Sarah Palin was able to prove people did rode dinosaurs as she rode that McCainasaurus almost to victory. But we are even more impressed with her new company called the Iquit(pronounced EYE-kwit) Corporation.

The Democrats are also contemplating jumping on the Corporation bandwagon. "While Obama is still popular," said David Smiley, a Democratic strategist, "we are thinking of running UnitedHealthcare because there is nothing that says 'yes we can' than better than billions of dollars.

Ralph Nader, who plans to run as an independent on the Rumpled Jacket Party ticket said all these corporations are unsafe for America at any speed.

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