GOV JINDAL LEAVES STATES' RIGHTS MEETING TO ASK OBAMA FOR HELP WITH OIL SPILL

by R J Shulman

BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - (PTSD News) - Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal abruptly departed from a meeting with Tea Party supporters and other activists who were discussing ways to limit the federal government, when he learned the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was far worse that originally thought. "I appologize for having to leave before I spoke about the dangers of big government," Jindal said, "but I needed to ask President Obama for help to try and divert this oil spill from damaging our coast."

The massive oil leak is the result of the explosion that destroyed and sank an oil rig on Earth Day. Eleven workers are still missing as the spill, which is already one of the worst disasters of its type is threatening the Gulf Coast from Alabama to Florida.

Sarah Palin weighed in on the crisis by saying the way to avoid these kind of oil disasters is to lower taxes and open up more areas for drilling. "We need more wells out there for the drilling, you betcha," Palin said, "so if some of them blow up which is unintended and can't be blamed for a lawsuit against the oil companies we would have a back-up of other wells to fill in the gap of losing a rig."

Some are already pointing fingers even before the oil has hit land. "Obama deliberately caused this explosion to distract us from his death panels and plans to redistribute the wealth from white people to shiftless welfare mothers," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. TV evangelist Pat Robertson had a different take. "There is no doubt that this spill was caused by the homosexual agenda," Robertson told his viewers, "everyone knows you can't have an open flame near an oil rig and when it comes to flaming, everyone knows gays take the cake."

"At least I had nothing to do with this one," said Captian Joseph Hazelwood who piloted the Exxon Valdez into a reef, causing a massing spill in 1989 which still affects part of the Alaskan pipeline.

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