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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

by R J Shulman

WASSILA, Alaska - (PTSD News) - The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained an advanced copy of Sarah Palin's presentation "My Bill of Rights" which will air on Fox next Thursday. "Once and for all," the script reads," I will put a kybosh on the false and untrue idea Tea Partiers are not experts on the reading of the Constitution and be all-knowing of our freedoms, which misinformation has been spread by those who pal around with terrorists and with whom we must train our sights on to keep America great."

Here is what she will say about the Bill of Rights:

The First Amendment - where I have the freedom to make you practice my religion, even if I have to use a gun to make you do it; the freedom of speech for me to talk about my guns anytime I want to, and the freedom of the press to cover stories about me talking about my guns, and finally the freedom to assemble with my fellow Tea Partiers with my guns fully loaded.

The Second Amendment - The holy grail - guns, guns and more guns.

The Third Amendment - Soldiers can't be housed in my house, the one that you can see Russia from so that they can't take away my guns.

The Fourth Amendment - Prevents the boot heels of the federal government from searching for or seizing my guns.

The Fifth Amendment - The freedom not to have to tesify against myself and tell big government where my guns are.

The Sixth Amendment - I have a right to an attorney to help me protect my guns and a right to confront any accuser with my guns aimed at them.

The Seventh Amendment - You have a right to a jury trial and to tell them you know where they live and that you are locked and loaded.

The Eighth Amendment - No cruel and unusual punishment against me like taking my guns.

The Ninth Amendment - Something about not getting disparaged about your guns.

The Tenth Amendment - Only the state and not the big federal government has the right to pass laws that allow me to take my guns into the bar of my choice.

Palin will propose "an Eleventh Amendment to the Bill of Rights to cover an area not already covered by the Bill of Rights and that is that no president of African-American descent who won an election because of voter fraud by Acorn and hates America because he won't wear an American flag lapel pin can take away my guns.

Palin says she has carefully researched the Constitution and, "I know this Bill of Rights stuff is correct because I carefully had it checked by Glenn Beck."

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