WORLD MOURNS LOSS OF TONY HAYWARD'S VACATION

by R J Shulman

LONDON - (PTSD News) - In a rare moment of world solidarty, people from all over the globe, and from all walks of life took time out of their day to pay tribute to BP CEO Tony Hayward's lost vacation. Hayward had to put his planned cruise on hold to answer questions about the ongoing massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

"He worked so hard for the money, saving BP thousands of dollars by avoiding costly safety precautions and bribing American officials so he could buy his yacht," said Guiseppe Carlini, a shoe distributor from Milan, Italy,"and now his yacht lies idle and forlorn. It's just heart wreching." Palestinains and Isrealis temporarily ceased hostilities to pay tribute to the death of Hayward's planned holiday. "Without oil, neither side could properly continue our three thousand year conflict," said Ari Yakmon, an Israeli commander. Mohammed Al Makmud a Palestinian police colonel agreed, "the loss of Mr. Hayward's time off could affect his ability to find oil and then where would we all be?"

I appreciate the outpouring of sympathy," Hayward said. "There is no one more motivated than me to put this leak behind them as I would like to get back to my life." Hayward had planned to take his family and friends on a tour of the Gulf of Mexico oil wells that BP owns, but cancelled because he could not take the chance his new yacht might get its propellars fouled and its hull covered in dark goop.

"Liberals can't wait to punish a man for his wealth," said Rush Limbaugh, "If those jealous commies want to be rich like Hayward, they should drill their own wells." "Tony Hayward of British Petroleum is a true American hero," said Sarah Palin. "He is finding oil, while Obama is palling around with terrorists. Now tell me, would your rather drive your car on oil found by Mr. Hayward or drive it on the fingers of blame pointed by the liberals at the necessary people drilling the oil wells that are so needed to keep us supplied with the oil they need to drill for?"

"What a shame Tony has to suffer at the hands of the traitors in the White House," said Michele Bachmann (R-Minn). "Let's point the blame at what is really bringing the oil on shore, the ocean."

Others have blamed the media. "This story of the oil trickle should have been a non-starter and the media should have been concentrating on the illegal aliens who have devistated Arizona," said talk show host Laura Ingram, "Instead of going after Tony Hayward, the media should be going after the liberals who leaked the oil spill story to the main stream media who then spread this non-story like, well like the oil spreading all over the Gulf.

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