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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Monday, July 26, 2010

by R J Shulman

GRAYSON, New Mexico - (PTSD News) - People don't seem to need to know much about the three Rs these days. Reading has been replaced by the radio, TV, computers and cell phones telling us all we need to know. You don't need to write anything as long as you can text a few misspelled words, or tell your friends on Facebook in broken English that you've just taken a dump. And the electronic calculator has taken care of math, or has it?

Maybe not. There are some equations today's conservatives use that would short out the most sophisticated electronic binary system. Here are a few:

1) Being pro drilling + being anti-science = the biggest oil spill disaster in history

2) Rush Limbaugh + ditto heads = lemmings

3) Supporting abstinence only + teenagers = shotgun weddings

4) America divided by fear and loathing = conservative victory

5) Cutting taxes on the wealthy + starting two wars that benefit the wealthy = profits for the wealthy who don't care about the deficits for everyone else

6) Ignorance + lots of talk about Jesus = fear, hatred and intolerance of biblical proportions

7) Untruth times many times = truth

8) Being anti-public education + Fox News = zombie land

9) Black President + he's breathing = white people drink tea (otherwise known as "what goes uppity must come down.")

10) Supporting "Free Trade" + Being anti-governemnt regulations = Corporate Masters

11) Bush minus beer = one crazy white mother f*ucker out to destroy the world

12) Sarah Palin + Michele Bachmann = aaahhhhh! aaahhhhh! kill me now aaaahhhhh!

13) The need to win minus compassion = a sociopath aka the modern conservative

You do the math. It kind of adds up - to one f*ucked up country. Maybe we should all go back to school and pay attention to arithmatic this time or maybe we all deserve to get a permanent detention from teacher, our knuckles crushed by the nun's ruler, or our asses kicked to Kingdom Come.

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