OBAMA, BOEHNER VIE TO SEE WHO CAN MAKE A LEANER MEANER ANTI-GREENER GOVERNMENT

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News Service) - In a contest reminiscent of two boys trying to one up each other in a school yard dare, President Barack Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner traded verbal jabs as to who could do a better job of shredding the federal budget. Only the defense budget and oil and coal subsidies seem immune.

"I dare you to end funding for public broadcasting," Boehner said, opening the round.

"Oh yeah?" Obama replied, "see if you can top me when I cut federal subsidies for the poor to get heat in the winter."

"Not bad, Barack Hussein, especially during this extraordianarly cold season," said Boenhner, "but speaking of cold, I am going to take the hatchet to Social Security and Medicare, so there!"

"Then I'll cut funding to community organizing," Obama said, "and you know that if I cut something so close to my heart, you can't even imagine what I'll do the things I don't personally care about."

"Well then, I'd pull my grandmother's feeding tube if that would help the deficit," Boehner said, wiping away tears.

The fight was finally broken up by a group from Congress on their way to church who reminded the Obama and Boehner it was Sunday, the Lord's day and that if they didn't stop bickering they would be late for services.

As the two joined the others on thier walk, Boehner got in the last word when he said to Obama, "I didn't know that Muslims went to church on Sunday."

GOV. WALKER TAKES PAGE FROM IRANIANS: PROTESTERS SHOULD BE EXECUTED

by R J Shulman

MADISON, Wisconsin - (PTSD News Service) - In the face of mounting protests to a bill that would strip most public employees of their collective bargaining rights, Republican Governor Scott Walker lashed out at the thousands who have descended on the state capital. "The Iranians are usually on the wrong side of every issue," Walker said, "but I have to agree with them that when protesters, like these union thugs here in Wisconsin are guilty of sedition, they need to be executed."

Walker has already said that we will mobilize the National Guard to quell the protests. "I would have had this mess cleaned up already if half of my National Guard wasn't still stuck in Afghanistan."