TIME TO NAME OBAMA PERSON OF THE YEAR JUST TO PISS OFF TRUMP
by R J Shulman

NEW YORK – (PTSD News Service) The Post Times Sun Dispatch has learned that Time Magazine will name Barack Obama as Person of the Year.  “We believe that the former president has acted with dignity and grace as his oafish successor has tried to erase his legacy,” a Time spokeswoman said, “besides when Trump sees the cover he’ll crap his pants.”  The spokeswoman also said seeing Obama on Time’s cover will remind Americans of what it was like to have hope.

President Obama had no comment, but a former member of his staff said he wished he could be back at the White House to witness the “mother of all tantrums.”

Time will make their official announcement on December 6th.

ELEPHANTS LIFT BAN ON IMPORTS OF TRUMP HUNTING TROPHIES
by R J Shulman

CELESTVILLE – (PTSD News Service) Babar, King of the Elephants announced that he is overturning the ban on importing body parts collected by Trump hunters.  This triggered protests from conservative groups and a frenzy on social media from opponents who posted pictures of Babar’s sons posing with the cut off orange hair of a Trump.

“I am shocked and outraged,” said Sean Hannity, President of the Trump Preservation Society, “The American white male tyrannical ego maniacal racist pussy grabber is an endangered species and the lifting of this ban is nothing short of a call for an open season of Trump hunting.”

Advocates for Trump hunting contend that overturning the ban can help preserve wildlife if not save the entire planet.  “I would be proud to have a Trump mounted on the wall,” said Prince Barbar, Jr., “maybe an Eric ear, a Donald rump or a Kushner tush will do.”