KRUSTY TO JOIN GOP PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE CLOWN CAR

By R J Shulman

SPRINGFIELD – (PTSD News Service) – Krusty the Clown, channel 6 children’s TV host and owner of Krusty Burger said today that he will enter the race for the 2016 Republican nomination for president.  Krusty told reporters, “I mean you got Jeb convinced that America is ready to get bush-wacked a third time, Ben Carson who obviously performed a lobotomy on himself,  Donald Trump who says he will create jobs when his catch phrase is ‘you’re fired,’ Carly Fiorina, who actually fired more people that Trump did, Scott Walker who is the Koch brothers trained monkey, South Carolina’s Lindsey Graham cracker who wants to bomb everyone while getting bombed himself, Ted Cruz missile, now there’s someone not firing on any cylinders, Marco Rubio, who would deport himself if he thought it would get votes, Mike Shuckabee-wannabe or whatever his homophobe name is, and Rick Sanatorium, who gives sweater vests a bad name, so wouldn’t it be refreshing to have a Republican candidate who at least admits he’s a clown?”

Krusty said he would run on a platform of a smaller government. “Who needs the Feds breathing down your neck telling you how much filler or rat feces you can put in your hamburgers?”

Krusty said he would make his official announcement at midnight on June 31^st in Springfield.  However he did not indicate if it would be Springfield, Oregon, Massachusetts, Missouri, Arkansas, Wisconsin, California, West Virginia, Colorado, Virginia, Florida, Vermont, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, South Dakota, Kentucky, South Carolina, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, Maine, Ohio, Michigan, New York, Minnesota, New Jersey, Nebraska, New Hampshire or Springfield in the Virgin Islands.  “You’ve all got a freakin’ GPS,” Krusty said, “so go find it yourself and stop expecting the government to do everything for you.”