IN EFFORT TO MOVE AWAY FROM HATE MESSAGES AND ADDRESS REAL ISSUES FACING EVERYDAY AMERICANS, GOP ADOPTS STUNNING NEW 2016 CAMPAIGN SLOGAN OF HOPE

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) - The Republican Party just announced its slogan for the 2016 Presidential Campaign, vowing to “move away from past usage of scare tactics and dog-whistles for bigots and concentrate on the issues that face the typical American citizen,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. With that in mind our new slogan will be, “Don’t Let Same-Sex Godless Muslim Illegal Immigrant Inner City Thugs Abort Your Gun Rights In The Wrong Bathroom In Front of Your Kids After They Sole Their Bibles And Replaced Them With Sharia Law.’”  Priebus added, “for far too long the Republican Party has prayed on the fear and ignorance of large numbers of the American public by using messages of fear and hatred to gather votes.  However, this is the year of addressing real issues and what better candidate to bring across our new message of hope and healing than Donald Trump.”  

There was a discussion among GOP party leaders to add Communist to the slogan, but the majority felt most people who feared a takeover by the Soviet Union were either dead or couldn’t remember their own names anymore, let alone fear that Krushchev was hiding under their bed.  In an effort to appeal to young people, the RNC also considered telling them that voting for a Democrat would cause their iPhone or other music device to be confiscated and given to a poor person without a job, but this idea was dropped because so many young people were themselves poor and jobless and might think they would be given a free iPhone if a Democrat was elected.

Former President George H.W. Bush thought the new slogan was too complicated, saying, “why don’t we just drag out the old Willie Horton add.  That still scares the bejesus out of me.”