TRUMP TO SETTLE DISPUTE WITH RYAN BY COMPARING HAND SIZE

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – House Speaker Paul Ryan insisted that the goal of his upcoming meeting with presumptive Republican presidential nominee is not a peeing contest or a manhood comparison, but to unify the party by finding out once and for all who has bigger fingers. Trump agreed, saying, “after the meeting everyone will see that not only do I have huger hands, but I have the bestest words.”

Ryan said there may be room for minor differences within the GOP because, “the party has a big tent as there are still a lot of white people left in America,” but he hopes Trump will voluntarily adopt the will of the people, meaning the agenda of the Koch brothers, because, “as a billionaire like the Kochs, Trump should know by now what is best for him.”