GOD SAYS SHE WON'T ATTEND THIS YEAR’S REPUBLICAN CONVENTION

by R J Shulman

MOUNT SINAI, Egypt – (PTSD News Service) – Following similar announcements from former Presidents George Bush, George W. Bush and former Governor Mitt Romney, God has spoken, saying She will not be attending the GOP Convention in Cleveland in July.  “While the Republicans useth my name a lot more than the Democrats, I cannot giveth my blessing to a party that had as its two front runners an ungodly, mean, petty, ugly man who couldn’t get along with anybody and the other, a narcissistic named Trump,” God said.

God sent Her message through former Olympic track star Edwin Moses, who traveled from Los Angeles to Mount Sinai to receive Her message, which was set in stone. “Man, I had no intention to rise up so early in the morning to go up a mountain,” Moses said, “but when God or your wife commands you to do something, you do it.”

God did not say whether she would attend the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, but said that she did send a birdie to perch on the podium of her favorite candidate.