TED CRUZ TO SUE GOD OVER FAILING TO KEEP HIS PROMISE TO MAKE HIM PRESIDENT

by R J Shulman

GNAW BONE, Indiana – (PTSD News Service) – After losing badly to Donald Trump in Indiana, practically assuring the businessman and reality TV star of the Republican presidential nomination, Senator Ted Cruz told a handful of supporters in this small town in Boone County, that he is “going to sue the living pants off God because, goddamn it, He promised me the White House and by all that is holy he is going to give it to me or He’ll have hell to pay.”  Cruz said, “I have given my time, money, heart and soul in my quest to make sure those ungodly New York values don’t get in the White House and yet it sure looks like God will send either a former New York senator, a socialist born in New York or a New York businessman to Washington.”

Donald Trump responded to the law suit by saying, “If Ted is thinking of taking God to court, he should sue him for making him so goddamned ugly.”