JESUS BEATS ALL CANDIDATES BUT REAGAN IN LATEST PRESIDENTIAL POLL

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Due to the tediously long 2016 presidential race, various polling organizations have tried to make matters more interesting buy moving away from the simple comparison between the various Republican candidates and how they might stack up against potential Democratic nominees.  In a new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, Hillary Clinton beats her husband, former President Bill Clinton 68% to 31% for the 2016 nomination, while 52% think she should just beat her husband.  That very same poll has Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in a dead heat.

A new ABC News/Washington Post poll indicates that Jesus has a double digit lead over all presidential candidates Republican or Democrat except for Ronald Reagan who enjoys a five point advantage over the Son of God.  Quinnipiac University conducted a poll which concluded that Americans believe that a common tree stump is more intelligent than George W. Bush by a 21 per cent margin.

In a different survey, Gallup found that Ben Carson could beat Carson Daly 54% - 51%, but would lose to Johnny Carson by 8 points, who would lose to Johnny Walker, especially in the southern states.  Harris conducted a poll that showed that Americans prefer Right Twix for president over Left Twix by 5 percentage points, while Fox News unveiled a poll that showed that a President Benghazi would beat a President Hillary Email by a slim margin, well within the margin of error.

In a related poll, Rasmussen found that Americans prefer NBC/Wall Street Journal polls over Quinnipiac polls by 9 points, while Las Vegas gives 2-1 odds that it will be discovered that all of the pollsters have their heads way up their asses.