GOP CANDIDATES COMPLAIN: VOTING HAS TOO MUCH LIBERAL BIAS

By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – After attacking the validity of the rules for the televised presidential debates, Republican candidates have banded together demanding that voting be eliminated altogether. “For far too long, the voting process has been little more than an arm of the Democrat Party,” said Senator Ted Cruz. “Voting booths, paper ballots, and the very math used to count votes have had an unfair liberal bias.”

“Inexperienced young people, minorities and the poor have been brainwashed by liberals,” said Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee, “and I am afraid our efforts to limit their influence with strict voter ID laws will not be enough to counter all of this unfairness.”

Jeb Bush said there is a precedent for the Supreme Court to choose the next Commander in Chief.  “They picked W and he kept us safe and besides the Justices my father picked know that it’s my turn,” he said.  “Hold your horses, Jeb,” Mitt Romney said, “I missed a turn when Obama bribed the electorate with free cell phones in 2012, so it is still my turn.”  “Uh-uh,” said John McCain, “it was my turn first and who better to bomb, bomb, bomb Iran now that it’s needed more than ever.”

Ben Carson said he would like to take a stab at solving the voter bias problem. “We have lost sight that the ultimate decider of who will be president is God and he has told me that it is me.”  “Nuh-uh,” said Mike Huckabee, “God picked me first.”   Marco Rubio disagreed, “While God may have chosen one of them, I have been anointed by the Koch brothers and everyone knows that they carry a bit more weight in these matters.”  

Not all of the candidates called for an end to voting for president. Donald Trump said, “Voting is OK as long as I get the final say on which candidate has to go home each week.”