SUPREME COURT DECLARES JEB BUSH PRESIDENT

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – In a rare special session, the United States Supreme Court by a 5-4 margin, issued a decision that Jeb Bush is the winner of the 2016 presidential race.   Speaking for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia wrote that all of the voting in the primaries and in the general election must be stopped as it would be unfair to Jeb Bush to be treated differently than his brother, George W. Bush who was awarded the presidency in 2000 when the Supreme Court stopped the counting of votes.  “The Constitution requires that Jeb receive equal treatment under the law,” Scalia said.

In a stinging dissent, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, “Oy, vey. Could Neil Bush be far behind?”  Hillary Clinton told MSNBC that the Court’s decision was part of “a great right-wing conspiracy against me.”  Bernie Sanders said, “it’s outrageous that someone from the top 1% is handed the job of president, while the other 99% of hard working Americans is struggling to find work.”  Donald Trump said, “the court made a yuuuuuge mistake and I propose using illegal Mexicans to build a wall around the Supreme Court with a wonderful door that you will all love so that justices could be contained but still be allowed to go piss once in a while.”  Ben Carson said that after hearing what the 

Supreme Court did, he just might have to stab somebody.

A triumphant Jeb Bush thanked his about to be laid off staff for their support and said that they will be proud they worked for a third Bush presidency because, “you will see that I am different from my father and brother because I am my own war criminal.”