ROMNEY’S FINAL APPEAL FOR VOTES:  IF YOU VOTE FOR ME, I PROMISE YOU’LL GET INTO HEAVEN

by R J Shulman

BRYAN, Ohio – (PTSD News Service) – On the eve of the 2012 election, Mitt Romney has publically made a promise that anyone who votes for him will get “a secure place in heaven.”  He told a rally in this north western Ohio city, “my plan originally called for 12 million new places in heaven but I have just revised my plan upward to include you, if you give me your vote.”

In the middle of his speech, Romney revealed a new campaign poster that read, “Romney + Ryan = Heaven.”  “You all know what kind of a hell Obama has given us,” Romney said, “so, in the words of John Lennon, who I hear was a Beatle, ‘Give Heaven a Chance.’”

When asked how Romney could make good on the stunning promise he could guarantee his supporters heaven, GOP National Chairman Reince Priebus said, “Of course Romney can get people into heaven.  After all, he has more money than God.”