GOP CONVENTION CALLED OFF DUE TO WEATHER; NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE

by R J Shulman

 

TAMPA – (PTSD News Service) – Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn and GOP leaders have announced that due to approaching Tropical Storm Isaac, the GOP Convention has been cancelled.  “Everyone knows that regardless of the issues that face America such as Obama’s destruction of Bush’s stellar economy, the war that is needed in Iran, the personal rights of the conceived up until birth or candidate likeability, it’s simply Mitt’s turn,” said Wilson Coburn, a senior Republican policy maker, “so having a convention just to honor Mitt’s turn would be a bit redundant.”  Coburn said the GOP would have a better use for the convention money and use it “to bring the truth to the American people with a blitzkrieg of ads that Obama and the Democrat party are the remainder of the National Socialists or Nazis who survived Hitler’s bunker who now want to use the UN and Muslims to take guns, bibles and women away from white Christian men in America.  We will show why a thousand years of Republican administrations following the Romney/Ryan plan in lockstep is the final solution to the terrorist problem.”

 

Republicans seem to agree with Coeburn that the Republican Convention will not be missed.  Floyd C. Dunks, a registered Republican from Bittertown, Pennsylvania said, “All I know is that we as real Americans have the common goal to defeat the Muslim who occupies the White House before he sends all the white people out to pick cotton and don’t  need no convention to tell us that.”  “Frankly, even as a staunch Republican, I am glad the Convention is kaput,” said Claude W. Bonewhite of Hazard, Kentucky, “I’d rather that the storm called Isaac preempt the convention than have the convention preempt my reality shows.”

 

Not every conservative believes the convention should be cancelled.  Embattled Senatorial candidate Todd Aiken, of Missouri said the GOP convention should be held on schedule and not worry about a violent, legitimate storm because, “the Republican governing body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.”

 

Reverend Franklin Graham had a different view, blaming the coming storm on God’s anger regarding gay marriage.   When asked why the creator would punish Republicans who despise gays and not send Isaac into the heart of gay-loving Democrats at their convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, Graham said, “God works in mysterious ways.”