ROMNEY PLANS TO CONNECT WITH THE MIDDLE CLASS BY GAINING THE “RICH EXPERIENCE OF BEING POOR”

by R J Shulman

POOR MAN’S HOLLER, West Virginia – (PTSD News Service) – Standing on a stump in front of an abandoned general store in the poorest town in America, Mitt Romney pledged that he “wants to better understand the little man, not only the man on Main Street but the man in the Main Street gutter, the investment challenged, the tax unsheltered, that is, the average Joseph.” Romney announced his eight point plan to “stand in the Bruno Magli’s of the regular guy.” Romney’s bold plan is:

1) Instead of the family chauffer taking care of it, Romney will personally get out of the car and fill both of his wife’s Cadillacs with regular grade gasoline.

2) Romney will instruct his broker at Goldman Sachs to send him his quarterly earnings on pink colored paper so he will know first hand what its like to receive a “pink slip”

3) The next time Romney plans on having Beluga caviar and a bottle of his $17,000 1900 Cristal Brut, he will instead try and use his maid’s food stamps at a 7-11 to purchase pork rinds and muscatel.

4) Romney will move a million dollars from a Bank of America checking account to one in the Cayman Islands, leave only $12.57 cents in the BOA account, write a check for $13.00 to experience getting a NSF notice and fee like the common man often gets at the end of a month.

5) Romney will go to a Popeye’s Chicken restaurant with his wife and children, order a bucket of fried chicken knuckles and watermelons and experience the shame of unsuccessfully trying to pay for it with an expired Platinum American Express Card

6) Romney will instruct his accountant to deliberately delay making the monthly payment on his latest yacht, just so that he can experience what it is like to get a past due statement on your necessary form of transportation

7) Romney will watch an entire live broadcast of American Idol and then instruct his nanny to call and vote for the Hispanic singer even if he thought of her as an appalling proletarian

8) Romney will deliberately fail to use his medical insurance prescription card when purchasing his prescription hair crème to experience the shock and awe to learn how much it would cost the regular man.

Romney said, “These bold steps and personal sacrifices should remove any question that I do not understand the plight of the unexceptional American,” Romney said, “and therefore, I can be more convincing that there are real tangible reasons why these people need their lives run by someone superior to them, like I am.”