Find A Lawyer
Find A Lawyer Counter


The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – Republican senators tried to slip a provision into an unrelated highway bill that would have legalized slavery.  The passage was discovered at the last minute by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reed,D-NV, who called the measure “Satanic.”  Senator Roy Blount, R-MO, who introduced the measure said his bill wasn’t to force slavery on everyone, but would let the states decide if they wanted to bring back slavery or not.  “It clearly should be a state’s rights issue,” Blount said, “and would help lift the jack boot of the federal government’s political correctness off the necks of the American people.”

Reed prevented the slavery amendment, called The Put the Ghetto to Work Act from coming up for a vote.  “I can’t believe we have come to using dirty tactics to prevent an up and down vote on Constitutional issues,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in an angry statement, “the bill is all about what was important to the founding fathers – the God given right to life, liberty and property.  Regardless of the outcome of this measure, it is an outrage of unprecedented proportions that the Democrat party won’t let congressmen express their support for the Constitution.”

Senator Jim DeMint, R- SC, who supported the bill said, “We can no longer ignore the elephant in the living room that a great deal of property was taken from God-fearing American citizens who were the job creators, the plantation owners.”  The Put the Ghetto to Work Act would have imprisoned all people of African heritage and placed them into a huge Wackenhut containment facility near El Paso, Texas to await assignment to the relatives of families who lost property after the Civil War.

“Once we allow big government in Washington take away your labor property without protesting,” said Blount, “it won’t be long before they try to take away your bibles, your guns and the right to get drunk and beat the crap out of your woman.”

Undaunted by the failure to pass this act, Republicans said they would try to sneak legislation called the American Inquisition into an unrelated bill about water safety that would require all Americans to declare Jesus as their Lord and Savior in exactly a Southern Baptist sort of way or face a round or two of Dick Cheney type enhanced interrogation.  “This measure would allow a majority of Americans to practice their form of religion as protected by the First Amendment,” McConnell said, “and be the first step toward returning the country to the kind of civility it has not known in years.”


Post a Comment

<< Home