OBAMA CAVES ON CONTRACEPTION ISSUE, TAKES AWAY BIRTH CONTROL AND SHOES FROM WOMEN

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – In a big turnaround, the Obama Administration said it will no longer require employers, including churches to provide contraception insurance coverage for women.  Further, Obama said that shoes will now be off limits for females.

Catholic Archbishop Patrick Fitzmichael of St. Louis said he is cautiously optimistic about Obama’s decision saying this change could revive the once popular twelve child family.  “Some of those children will be boys,” he said, “which could help us with our priest shortage and could supply altar boys for the priests.”

Rick Santorum told a crowd at the CPAC conference in Washington that even though he hates everything Obama is in favor of or ever thought about, he may break tradition and embrace the president’s plan. “This change could keep women barefoot and pregnant which is just as God had intended.”  The plan also provides insurance coverage for men to purchase large wooden clubs so they can whack women on the  head and drag them back to their “man caves.”

 

Not to be sexist, Obama has also placed some restrictions on men.  In order to appease Republicans, the president said that there will be no coverage for Viagra for gay, black and Muslim men.  Jason Iolta, an Obama spokes person said, “The last thing the president needs is a plethora of four hour homosexual black terrorist erections in an election year.”