ROMNEY’S FAVORABLE RATING HITS ZERO; GOP MAY NAME THEIR CANDIDATE AFTER NOVEMBER ELECTION

by R J Shulman

SKOWHEGAN, Maine – (PTSD News Service) – Even though Mitt Romney squeaked out a victory in the Maine caucus and the CPAC straw poll, his favorability ratings have hit rock bottom, leaving GOP leaders pulling their hair and rending their clothes.  “No one in history has had a favorable rating hit zero, meaning that no one anywhere can come up with even one shred of a positive trait in the man,” said Montgomery Hartford, a  Republican insider, “even Hitler got a few kudos for liking his dogs.  Romney strapped his on top of his car and drove until the pooch almost died of fright.”

“It seems like you turn your head and there’s a new GOP front runner,” said Charlotte Madison, vice chairman of the Republican National Committee, “so it makes sense to find out if we can simply list our standard bearer as “The Anti-Obama” and after the election, name the current front runner.”  Madison said she is certain the Republicans can recapture the White House in November as “thanks to Citizens United we have such incredible financial backing and due to racism and fear we have drummed up a humongous hatred for Obama that we can win on those two things alone,” Madison said, “the problem is, we just can’t win the election with an actual candidate.”

“I believe there is nothing in the Constitution that says we can’t run a candidate who is a player to be named later,” said Jackson Springfield, a constitutional lawyer from Bob Jones University, “but before we send Romney, Santorum, Paul and Romney down the road to join Gingrich, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Palin, Trump and that guy from New Jersey who was too fat to run, we need to know if we can withstand a challenge from the socialist left, when our “none of the above” trounces Obama.”

“However, until the time that Republicans are secure they can run nameless,” said Olympia Montpelier, a top Washington political pundit, “the last four candidates standing will go after each other until they all end up with a favorable rating is zero.”