ROMNEY PLANS HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF ETCH-A-SKETCH COMPANY

By R J Shulman

BRYAN, Ohio – (PTSD News Service) – “Ohio Art, you have messed with the wrong kid,” Mitt Romney told a crowd of about five people in front of an Arby’s in this small northwest Ohio town.  Romney was referring to the company that has been making the Etch-A-Sketch toy since 1960.  Romney has taken a recent hit by his opponents and late night television hosts after one of his aids told reporters that all of his recent far right positions will not hurt him getting moderate voters in November because Mitt’s current radical positions will be erased by the time of the general election, just like shaking an Etch-a-Sketch.

Romney told the noon day Ohio crowd, that rather than being made a fool of by a toy, he plans to purchase Ohio Art, “and dismantle it for its puny parts before the next Frisbee hits the ground.  See if you can shake that away, Ohio Art.”   Rowland Henry, of Ohio Art said that “if Romney is going to flex his Bain Capital-Wall Street-Bankster muscle by buying out our stock now, which has shot to an all time high, then that shows poor judgment when it comes to fiscal management and that is surely not the kind of decisions we need made from the White House.”

Carlington Rogglesworth III, a Romney spokesperson said that the candidate is looking into purchasing and dismantling Camargo Correa, the Brazilian parent company of the largest manufacturer of flip-flops in the world.  “So beware, you manufacturers of products that can be used to put Mitt in a bad light,” Rollingsworth said, “not a single one of you will escape the wrath of Romney.”