ARIZONA PASSES LAW, CHANGE HISPANIC NAME OR BE DEPORTED

By R J Shulman

PHOENIX – (PTSD News Service) – The Arizona Senate passed a bill that requires that all residents of Arizona who have Hispanic names to officially change them to an Anglicized version by July 1, 2012 or face deportation to Mexico.  Senate Bill 1143 contains a controversial provision that makes the name change requirement apply to anyone with a Hispanic first or last name, even if they were American born and not of Latino descent. 

“We have to fight back at the taco-ization of American,” said the bill’s sponsor, Representative Clyde Whiteman of Sierra Vista, Arizona, “So rather than waste taxpayer money getting hung up on which Pablo or Lupe should really be here, this bill makes it simple, if you have a Mexican sounding name after July 1^st, you will be deported muy rapido.”

The bill, called the No Way Jose Act grants state police the authority to stop anyone suspicious of having a Hispanic name, and if discovered to have one, will be immediately shipped to Mexico City regardless of whether they were of Mexican origin.  “I can’t believe I am going to have to change my name,” said Anita Pitney-Windham of Tucson, “my ancestors come over on the Mayflower and my mother named me after Anita Bryant, but since Anita is on the list of forbidden names, I could end up deported to a country I have never even visited.”

“We are not the bad guys here,” said Representative Gorman English, R- Prescott, a supporter of the bill, “we are trying to make sure that America stays America. We are going out of our way to make it easy and we are supplying a list of illegal names along with the American names they should be changed to.”

For example, the list states that Martinez should be changed to Martin, Rivera to Rivers, Consuela to Connie, Moreno to Moron, Guadalupe to Loopy.  “So a name like Emanuel Leyba would become Manual Labor,” said Whiteman.  “However, if some guy is named Jesus, we are not sure yet whether he should be sent back to Mexico or burned at the stake for being sacrilegious.” 

Whiteman has promised to introduce a bill that will mandate changing all Spanish names of Arizona towns to English equivalents.  “For example, my home town of Sierra Vista would be changed to the more appropriate and much more beautiful name of Jagged Mountain View, Arizona.