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The Post-Times-Sun-Dispatch or PTSD is a newsource of serious political satire. Don't let a day go by without PTSD.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - (PTSD News Service) - In response to the growing grass roots movement to occupy Wall Street, GOP leaders have made a call for Republicans and conservatives to counter the protests by occupying Main Street, that is protesting at the homes of those gathering on Wall Street to blame the banks and brokers for their own laziness.  "The Tea Party showed the way by occupying Town Halls over health care reform and now they can start occupying town homes, condos, houses and apartments of these youthfull thugs littering Wall Street," said presidential candidate Michele Bachmann.

"When those creeps are not protesting on Wall Street, they are just hanging around pool halls waiting for handouts," said Speaker of the House, John Boehner, "when they should aspire to be like the hard working people hanging around their pool waiting for their dividend checks to come in."

"We must put an end to these anti-American protests," said House Majority Whip Eric Cantor, "because these enemies of the United States are openly attacking the most sacred of American values, a value more important that motherhood, apple pie or baseball - they are attacking the God-given right of a CEO to get a huge bonus." 

"If I am elected president," Mitt Romney said, "I will make sure these Wall Street protest criminals lose the right of free speech and I will do that by changing the First Amendment to make sure that when it comes to free speech, corporations are considered people while people are considered not to be people."

Rick Perry also supports the occupy Main Street movement and said that the "problem of the unemployed trouble makers trying to bring down capitalism on Wall Street could be solved with either one of our famous Texaas minimum wage jobs or by a lethal injection, just like we do in the Lone Star State."

"If these people don't like it in America," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, "they why don't they just leave and go to Communist China and see how great an economy can be if employers are not hampered with having to pay decent wages or worry about things like workers' safety or pollution.  Heck, they can even see what well behaved worker actually took their job."

Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) said the Occupy Main Street movement is nothing new as "the bankers and brokers have already repossed many houses and businesses on Main Street."


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