PERRY'S NEW PLAN TO REDUCE UNEMPLOYMENT: TAKE A MINIMUM WAGE JOB OR FACE THE DEATH PENALTY

by R J Shulman

KILL DEVIL HILLS, North Carolina - Republican presidental candiate Rick Perry announced his plan for lowering the the high unemployment rate facing the US at a North Carolina rally today.  "This plan has worked in Texas," he told a crowd of enthusiastic supporters, "a minimum wage job does not put an unfair burden on the corporate job creators and will help us compete with China, Bangladore, Indo-Nam or wherever they can do things for less around the world."

Perry further explained, "My win-win plan reduces joblessness becuse those who see the benefit of avioding a lethal injection will take a McDonald type of job, thus taking them off the public trough while those who are stubborn enough to refuse the minimum wage, will be permanently removed from the unemployment

roles if you know what I mean, which also takes them off the public trough."

Perry got the loudest cheers and support whenever he mentioned the death penalty and how he has been the most successful governor in history to exercise that right.  "It's great to be takling to a crowd of pro-lifers," he said after one such outburst regarding the death penalty.

Perry said that Romney and the other GOP candidates were, "too soft on jobless crime."  Perry's plan's new slogan, "Off the goof-offs" has already caught on with conservative radio talk show hosts and will be the subject of a new Fox News Report, Stopping Obama's Army of Slackers who are Coming for Your Guns.  

Perry said that if elected president, he would put the final touches on his plan by ending the minimum wage.  "We should let the market decide the going rate for pay, and not some socialists in Washington.  Having no minimum wage worked pretty well before the Civil War when folks who got shelter and a little food were willing to build the South's infrastructure for the going rate of, well, nothing."