POPE TO TELL BUSH TO SPEND LESS ON WAR, BUSH TO TELL POPE HE’S AN ISLAMOFASCIST
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – In his visit to the United States next week, Pope Benedict XVI has indicated he will tell President Bush he hopes the US will spend less on the war and more to help the poor. “If he asks me,” the President told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “to waste our money on poor folks who want to be poor instead of wasting it on our noble cause to fight Democracy and spread the global war on terror, then I’ll have no choice but to tell him he is an Isamofascist and a Communist to boot.” “That will essentially be the President’s message,’ said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “except he will say we should fight the war on terror and spread democracy, not the other way around.”

“Hasn’t anyone told the Pope that Kennedy isn’t the President anymore?” said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. “This President gets his orders from a different God, a God who is bigger and more full of shock and awe than anyone else’s God.” “Actually, I look forward to the Pope’s visit, as I will expedite the opportunity for him to enlighten us first hand,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “as to whether waterboarding is really torture.”

The Pope will visit New York and Washington in his first visit to the United States since becoming Pope three years ago. “At first I thought we should let the Pope visit America,” said Senator John McCain, “but now that I am a true conservative, I believe we should build a fence around the country to keep this subversive German foreigner out as he seems to have forgotten the true meaning of ‘onward Christian soldier.’”