FEDS SKIRT ENVIRONMENTAL LAWS IN PUSH TO BUILD BORDER FENCE WITH CANADA
by R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – In a aggressive move to finish the barrier along the US – Canada border by the end of the year, the Department of Homeland Security announced that it will waive environmental and safety laws. The waivers are allowed by the Secure Fences Act. They grant Homeland Security the opportunity to slash through the red tape of over 75 laws that protect the environment and the health and safety of people who live near the border. At 5522 miles, the US Canadian border is the longest in the world.

While strenuously opposed by environmental groups, the fence is the darling of many conservatives. “It’s about time,” said talk show host Michael Savage, “this Great Wall of America should stop the hoard of disgusting Canadians from invading America with their dirty hockey sticks, maple syrup and Canadian Bacon.” “If we don’t stop those cunning Canadians now,” said Fox’s Bill O’Reilly, “we will soon have print all of our signs in French.”

“We are pushing Congress to allow us to increase our labor pool by eliminating the restrictions of child labor laws,” said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, “along with asking for a waiver of the laws banning slavery. Instead of those people selling illegal drugs in the inner city, they can stop illegal prescription drugs from being smuggled in from Canada.” Chertoff said that to save taxpayer money, he will insure that the bulk of the construction work force will be those willing to work for less, “which means,” he said, “Mexican Nationals.”